How to build your own Happiness Bubble
Over the past five years I have read over a hundred books on mindset, productivity and happiness. I’ve forgotten most of it. But I’ve recorded the techniques that never fail to get me out of the hole, and start winning again.
These techniques will help you create an environment that:
- crowds out negative thoughts and people
- trains you to be an optimist
- gives you energy and direction in life
I call it the Happiness Bubble.
There are 4 main steps to building one.
1. Damage control
Taking control of your current situation.
First you need to remove negative and energy draining people from your life. You don’t have time for them if you’re going to recreate your reality. There are three main types.
Toxic
These are people in your social circle who attack and insult you or create drama. They could be at work, at parties, online, or anywhere else. It could even be a girlfriend, friend or family member.
Relationships which have turned toxic need to be killed immediately. If it is a partner, break up. A so-called friend, cut contact. With coworkers, put them in their place, tell your boss, and avoid that person.
If you always find yourself surrounded by bad people, this is the most important step. Learn how to back away from negative relationships and assert yourself. Then learn to build a new circle of good people. There are many great books on this topic. Just Google it.
Unlucky
These are the people who are unlucky in life, and have a negative attitude. They’re always caught in bad situations and making bad choices. They have no self belief. They don’t listen to advice. They want to hang out and talk about how horrible the world is and how bad their life is. You probably want to help them.
You don’t have time for that. You can’t pull someone else out of the hole until you’ve climbed out. You’ll be more help to them when your own life is in order.
Limit exposure to these people. They will affect the way you think with their negative attitude. You can even end up directly involved in their drama.
This is Law 10 of Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power. Here is a video that explains the concept.
“Well-meaning”
Family members who question your diet choices, filling you with doubt. Coworkers who mock your new clothes, and say you’re trying to be someone else. Friends who get offended when you spend less time with them to work on yourself and your own projects.
These are some of the hardest to beat because they say they mean well. It is hard to cut these people out of your life. But you do need to limit your time with them. Real friends will understand that you have a life of your own and you know which choices are best for you. Achieve a little success and they might follow your example.
Some of these steps may seem drastic, but ask yourself: How badly do I want to be happy?
Control the content you consume:
News
I was a political news junkie for years. It was fun, until I realized I was walking down the street imagining getting shot by terrorists.
Happiness researcher Michelle Gielan conducted a study in 2015 on the effects of news consumption on mood and anxiety.
The findings are incredible.
Watching three minutes of negative news made viewers 27% more likely to report having a bad day eight hours later.
Those who watched ‘transformative news’ reported having a good day 88% of the time.
The transformative news pieces were not sugar coated stories about puppies. They were simply solution focused.
One video included inner city kids working hard to be successful in a school competition.
Another was on an old man who achieved a high school level qualification after many years of trying.
If you must know what is happening in Iran, wait for the dust to settle and read long-form articles with analysis. Avoid clickbait, breaking news articles that get most of the facts wrong.
My sources of transformative news are Business Insider, and a technology news site called Singularity Hub.
Right now business and tech news is what energises me. Find your thing.
Social Media
My reason for avoiding social media is because it distracts me.
But studies have shown that over exposure can actually lead to depression and anger. If this is you, consider taking a break.
You can disable your Facebook page and still use Messenger. You won’t have reminders that everyone has a better life than you. This might make you happier. You’ll definitely be more productive, which will make you happier.
2. Energy Management
This is the fun part, where you realise high energy = happiness. You are filling the bubble.
Movies, TV, books and music
There are many books out there on state control, or how to control your mood. Two great ones are Gorilla Mindset by Mike Cernovich, and Unlimited Power by Tony Robbins.
Spend time experimenting to find music that lifts your mood, movies that inspire you and books that give you energy.
By energy I mean the feeling you get when you hear the Rocky theme music, or read a powerful quote. You want to get up and get shit done.
It will take a long time to max out in this area.
I listen to anything that is upbeat, and nothing that isn’t.
For motivation, find someone on Twitter who has achieved what you want to achieve and set up a text alert so you receive tips from them throughout the day.
Get headphones, an e-reader or cellphone and a connection to the internet.
Channel a non-stop stream of motivational music, stories, news, images and ideas into your mind.
Do it for long enough and you’ll feel electric.
Food
My big problem with food is that I often fail to make time to eat enough. This causes me to feel low energy and view things negatively. A lot of people get this problem, which is where the word ‘hangry’ comes from.
A shortage of food also makes it harder to put on muscle, which makes me more unhappy. So I’m focusing on that area.
Your problem might be that you are eating the wrong foods. Try to eat higher protein foods that sustain your energy longer. Cut down on simple carbs like pasta and bread which give only a short energy boost.
Use coffee effectively
Too many people use coffee and caffeine ineffectively. Use coffee as a performance enhancing drug, rather than a treat.
It helps if your coffee tastes like crap.
Coffee can be especially useful when you’re trying to build the habit of getting up early.
Reasons to get up early:
-start an online business
-write a book
-fit in a workout
-organise your day
-learn a language
Coffee can give you an energy boost right before a workout.
It is also effective when cramming for an exam and squeezing a little more juice from your brain.
But never become dependent on it. Nothing is sadder than those people who joke and complain about not getting their fix. It's an addiction that is holding you back.
Exercise daily
This one you’ve heard millions and millions of times, but maybe you don’t do it. I find it helps tremendously to relieve stress and boost happiness.
High intensity exercise is more effective at boosting moods than most other activities, because of the endorphins released in the brain.
Lifting and hill sprints in particular make me feel great. For men they greatly increase testosterone, which is linked to happiness.
Here are some more unusual techniques that have helped me:
Cold showers
This one is huge for me.
Cold showers are linked to many different health benefits:
-better skin and hair
-a stronger immune system
-boosted mood and relief from anxiety
-decreased depression
-improved circulation
I use cold showers for the huge energy boost they give me. There is no other feeling like it.
If you want to try this out, start with your usual warm shower and try turning the tap to cold for the last 30 seconds.
Bonus points if you cold shower and listen to techno. That puts you in beast mode.
Look up Wim Hof to learn more about the further benefits of cold therapy.
Juicing
This is putting fruit and vegetables through a juicer, then drinking it.
The vegetable based juices in particular give me an energy boost which lasts for hours. It feels a lot nicer than coffee as well.
Caffeine can put me on edge, and I get an energy low after it wears off. Juice doesn’t do that.
Carrot, celery, kale, green apple, beetroot, a small piece of ginger, a dash of cayenne pepper and turmeric make a tasty morning juice.
3. Momentum
Start a project
You’ll have more energy at this point but you need direction and momentum.
Momentum is hard to explain. It's the feeling of having a series of small successes each day that build into bigger successes as time goes on.
Pick a project for yourself. Some examples:
- Take up boxing
- Learn to play guitar
- Learn Spanish
- Learn to dance
- Write your memoir
- Write a novel
- Quit smoking
- Start a business
- Darts
- Pool
- Ten pin bowling
- Competitive eating
- Create your own podcast
- Knitting
- Drink three liters of water per day
It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it gives you a reason to get off the couch and work.
Break the task down into small chunks that you can repeat daily. Make them tiny steps.
Memorize 10 Spanish words per day. Have one fewer cigarettes per day. Write 100 words of a novel each day.
Do this until it becomes easy, then increase the load. Write 200 words per day. Go whole days without smoking.
A great habit forming app is MyChain . It marks successful days green and failed days red. Try and build the longest green chain you can.
About the 2 week mark you’ll feel momentum. Then you’ll fail. You won’t get to the gym. You’ll sleep in late and forget to write. You’ll lose momentum and take three days off. A week off. But you’ll remember how good it felt to have momentum. Start again. Make the chain longer.
Once you’ve mastered one area you can use the energy, knowledge and momentum to conquer other tasks.
The feeling of satisfaction will transfer to your daily happiness.
Record your progress
This is one I often forget to do, but when I remember it accelerates my progress by a factor of ten.
One technique is to use online spreadsheets that you can access anywhere to track your efforts.
You can also use a small notebook.
Mark whether you achieved the daily task, how well it went, what you learned and how it could go better.
Ask yourself why you didn’t get up early enough to fit in some boxing. Come up with a possible solution. You could put the alarm clock on the other side of the room to force yourself out of bed. Try it, then record whether it worked.
Identify obstacles and come up with solutions for each of the tasks you want to achieve.
Do this for 100 days and you’ll have some serious data to work with.
Affirmations
I learned about affirmations from Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert cartoon, who discusses them in his great book How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big.
It is the practice of writing out a sentence, or speaking it aloud 10-15 times per day. The sentence is something you want to achieve.
For example: I, Jack Conroy, will be financially free.
I have achieved goals faster than I thought possible when using affirmations.
The technique works for me but I don’t know how. There are theories on a law of attraction and the universe manifesting your desires. I don’t know about this.
Have you ever had that experience where your friend gets a new car and then you start to see that type of car everywhere? Affirmations are like that.
I think they train the subconscious mind to spot opportunities when they appear.
When you do them opportunities start popping up. They appear as people, job offers and online articles related to your goals. Good things that seem outside your control seem to happen every day.
Probably those opportunities were already there, you just didn’t notice them.
It also focuses the conscious mind. When you write something out multiple times a day, this will be the main thing you think about.
Affirmations are the last building block of momentum.
4. Positive Feedback Loop
By now your happiness bubble will have grown enough to exist on its own.
You will have time for yourself. You’ll be working on personal projects and a better life.
You won’t feel tired anymore.
You’ll be associating with good and happy people.
Every day your head will be filled with good news, music, quotes and ideas.
Pretty soon, your mind will start working for you rather than against you, as you become more optimistic.
You’ll have self respect, knowing you took control of your life.
You’ll be hopeful for the future.
Now, you can help someone else who is in a similar situation to the one you used to be in.
Do it. The energy you get back will be amazing.
