Why Stories Matter

A conversation with Bring Your Own Story founders Christina Herbach and Graham Garvie

You’re invited to a dinner party. But there’s a twist. Instead of a bottle of wine, you’re asked to bring a story. A personal story, based on a particular theme. Oh and you’re going to share it with a table full of complete strangers. Would you go?

For many of us, the answer is yes. And it’s all thanks to Christina Herbach and Graham Garvie, founders of Bring Your Own Story. In just two short years they’ve built a global community of people who choose to skip the small talk and connect with each other through the stories that reveal who we really are. Which right now, in a world drowning in three second tweets, rapid response opinions and sound bites, seems like something we should all be doing.

At Creation we’re interested in culture and what it tells us (and our clients) about the world. We think what Christina and Graham are doing is reflective of a bigger trend. On the surface it appears we’re increasingly living in virtual social spaces and just engaging with our own ‘tribes’. Which is true, to an extent. But in parallel we’re increasingly searching out real, physical experiences. Think about the explosion of festivals — not just music but ones celebrating food, comedy, art, literature….think about the growth in collective physical challenges — from marathons, to conquering Mount Everest, to muddy charity races….think about our pampering ‘me time’ — from massages, to manipedis…..We want to, we need to, actually be somewhere and connect with other human beings at a deeper level.

So how did Graham and Christina start? What inspired them?

Graham: “We met in Chicago in the Kellogg MBA program. I was so excited to be there — imagine walking into a room of 1,000 people your age from 50 different countries. But those first few weeks were so full of small talk. Where are you from? What do you do? I wasn’t getting to know anyone in depth and I felt surprisingly alone. On a whim I tried something a little different — a storytelling dinner. I invited eight classmates over and asked them to bring a true, personal story on the theme of change. That evening was incredible — it sparked the sense of connection we were missing. No one wanted to leave!”

After that, Christina and Graham decided to host a dinner party every week. There were just a few rules: 1. Be present (no cell phones allowed!), 2. Participate. Everyone has to share a five-minute, true personal story, and 3. Confidentiality — by reserving judgement we create a safe space.

As word spread they shared hosting tips with friends in other cities. Each time, a host picks a theme, up to 10 people come over for dinner, and everyone shares a story.

Christina: “In school and at work, we’re trained to present ourselves in a concise elevator pitch, to distil all of our complexity into a clear personal brand, and to curate ourselves perfectly on social media…”

Graham: “….BYOS is an antithesis to this. It’s not about refining your pitch, it’s about being yourself. It’s refreshing to move from a typical networking conversation, to a BYOS setting where everyone shares about topics such as loss, happiness, faith, sex…”

So why do Christina and Graham think this has taken off so fast?

Graham: “The BYOS community is reviving the oldest human art form — storytelling. It’s how we evolved as social animals, but it’s missing from our busy lives. People are increasingly choosing to unplug in order to make the real-life relationships that help them grow.”

Do people really open up to complete strangers?

Christina: “They do. And people don’t stay strangers for very long! There’s a slightly different dynamic if people come with someone they know, versus if they don’t know anyone….but small talk is not what we have most in common; rather, it’s the really big stuff that bonds us together — dreams, family, triumph. To start with, we’ve focused BYOS on 25 to 40-year-olds who live in cities and have the freedom to make time for the dinners.”

So what’s next?

Graham: “We’re scaling globally because the power to use vulnerability to bring down barriers is universal. We’ve held 200 dinners with 80 trained hosts in dozens of cities, and every day people apply to join the community online.”

Christina: “Increasingly, we’re also producing larger events to bind our communities together over meaningful meals and creative collaborations. Our community is doing much more than just hosting dinner parties.”

Are there any topics that everyone has a great story about — regardless of language or culture?

Christina: “Oh, heartbreak, family and loss, everyone has a story about those!”

Graham: “After all, we are the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves.”

Bring Your Own Story’s mission is to cultivate a global community of people living story-worthy lives, and in the process, create a world with more listening. At Creation, we can’t wait to hear the next chapter…

If you’d like to skip the small talk and bring BYOS to your city, learn more and apply at: http://www.bringyourownstory.com