Ash vs Poor Analytics
Quotes and Inspiration from the Evil Dead
Hail to the king, baby — Ash Williams (Not Duke Nukem)
Bruce Campbell’s iconic and often pathetic hero, Ash Williams, is the king of one liners, extreme gore, and action. He has been a staple of the Evil Dead franchise since its inception in 1981. He is also the star of the newest franchise reboot Ash Vs Evil Dead which is airing currently on Starz. He is a man of action, not foresight — of expediency, not calculation.
So why write an article about Ash, especially one which claims to inspire analytic thinking?
First, because Ash is compelling and engaging. Point blank — I hate horror movies! I don’t watch them. Except for the Evil Dead series and Peter Jackson’s Dead Alive, I pass on all horror movies as a rule. But Ash is compelling and memorable and thankfully, the third installment of the franchise struck me as more a fantasy movie (it was … kind of). In other words, the character transcends.
Next, Ash is a simple guy. He will tell you that, often. The character has an incredible knack for simplifying any situation. He is actually annoyed by meaningless detail. He is also a man of action — an aspect of analytics that is often lost. Evil Dead plots involve a lot of death and dismemberment (we will avoid those here), but also a ton of action.
Be Proud Of What You Do — No Need To Oversell It
Analyst’s often go to great lengths to either oversell or totally distort the work they do. This is especially true of those working at major corporations. I have always found it funny, as I look over conference agendas, to find folks claiming huge titles with blatant self-aggrandizement.
Ash isn’t wrapped up in titles. At the end of Army of Darkness, after three straight movies of saving worlds from destruction, he still drops all pretense…
Ash: Lady, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to ask you to leave the store.
Possessed woman: Who the hell are you?
Ash: Name’s Ash.
[cocks rifle]
Ash: Housewares.
Simplify and Prioritize — Action and Outcome First
This is by far my favorite quote by Ash Williams. It comes at the end of a lengthy debate with his evil doppelganger — a character that is overly verbose and annoying:
Ash: What are you? Are you me?
Evil Ash: Whad are do? Are do be? HAHAHAHAHAH! You sound like a jerk!
Ash: Why ya doin’ this, huh?
Evil Ash: Oh, you wanna know? ’Cause the answer’s easy! I’m BAD Ash… and you’re GOOD Ash! You’re a goody little two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes!
[begins to sucker-punch Ash]
Evil Ash: Goody little TWO-SHOES! Goody little TWO-SHOES! HEHEHEHEHE!
[honk honk honk]
Evil Ash: GOODY LITTLE TWO-SHOES! GOODY LITTLE…
Ash: [cocks shotgun and points it under Evil Ash’s nose]
[nods head and shoots him]
Ash: Good. Bad. I’m the guy with the gun.
The scene is lengthy but Ash is succinct. He takes a tedious debate and boils it down to the most important element. Indiana Jones had a similar scene though it lacked any words at all — just gratuitous swordplay. Analysts need to occasionally model such ‘men of action’.
Know Your Technology, Use It, Sell It
As far as heroes go, Ash is a bit of a bastard. Many scenes result in him loosing hands, spawning additional heads, or being oddly contorted and distorted. As I wrote previously, this is common ground for analysts.
Analysts are often placed in that odd area between technology and the business, between marketing and finance. Their talent sets and even education can often be described as piecemeal. This makes technology all the more important. If you recognize that people are struggling with who you are and what you do — borrow a few lines from Ash:
Ash: Yeah!
[after shooting King Arthur’s sword in half]
Ash: Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This… is my BOOMSTICK! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart’s top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That’s right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It’s got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That’s right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?
Was that a sales pitch? It was certainly and oddly detailed for a character like Ash. But perhaps it is because Ash is so keenly aware of the power and presence of his technology that he uncharacteristically applies extra attention?
In the movie, Ash has replaced his hand with a chainsaw. Most analysts don’t carry chainsaws or shotguns, but if your technology is important — you should know it inside and out. And don’t miss an opportunity to promote it!
Overcome Mistakes Because They Are Bound To Occur
Ash isn’t perfect. Not even close. He knows it. And he doesn’t care. It is another lesson for both life and analytics. Mistakes can be overcome — even the worst of them.
The scenes for Ash’s biggest mistake in Army of Darkness also teach us how too much of anything can be an issue. While Ash has a knack for cutting through detail, he clearly overestimates his own abilities and fails on prioritizing a majorly important detail.
Ash: Klaatu Barada Nikto.
Wiseman: Well, repeat them.
Ash: Klaatu Barada Nikto.
Wiseman: Again.
Ash: I got it, I got it! I know your damn words, alright?Ash: Klaatu Barada N… Necktie… Neckturn… Nickel… It’s an “N” word, it’s definitely an “N” word! Klaatu… Barada… N…
[coughs]
Ash: [pause] Okay then… that’s it!Wiseman: When you removed the book from the cradle, did you speak the words?
Ash: Yeah, basically.
Wiseman: Did you speak the exact words?
Ash: Look, maybe I didn’t say every single little tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah.
Ash further complicates things by trying to lie his way through it. I have witnessed many an analyst caught in their own miscalculation playing out a similar scene. Learn from Ash on two counts. Mistakes can be overcome. So own up to them and get back to work.
In Summary
Ash is probably not the perfect model or metaphor. Your competition is probably not a bunch of Deadites, although the marketing department may be full of Screwheads!?
But Ash is inspiring! He is a man of action. He simplifies. He embraces technology. He overcomes mistakes. He is memorable and compelling. He despises unnecessary detail and focuses on getting things done. These are all attributes that are underappreciated by far too many analysts and decision makers.
Like Ash, many analyst’s are flawed, overconfident, or inclined to avoid admitting to mistakes. It is human nature. Just recognize that, like Ash, these issues are just part of bigger story line. Stay focused on goals and outcomes and you too may save the world… or at least Q1 performance.
Thanks for reading. Ash William’s quotes are prolific. Do you have any favorites that I missed? Feel free to share in the comments below.
