Got Big Data?
Great, so what are you overcompensating for?
A few years ago, I went to a friend’s restaurants before normal hours of operation. It was a lovely establishment with all the standard restaurant accoutrement (please add a french accent to make that more impressive). He took me into the kitchen where I was shocked to find dozens of refrigerators stocked with ingredients. His walk in cooler had its own golf cart because the walk to the back “just took too long”. His pantries were colossal, filled with supersized bags of flour, sugar, and other ingredients that I was far less familiar with. He was very proud. He had ALL the finest ingredients.
He announced, quite proudly, that he was going to provide me a sample of his finest dish. Now this was going to be a treat! He began fishing through his kitchen to collect the perfect ingredients. Oddly, I swear it took almost a half-hour to get what he needed.
As my friend began to prepare the food, I noted that the eggs he was using were past expiration. I think I embarrassed him, but he smiled and noted that “in my kitchen, there is always more!”. More ingredients perhaps, but he seemed to be short on tools. At first I thought he was just using a novel technique that a kitchen hack like me could not appreciate, but as time went on I feared he either lacked the right tools or lost them in that vast expanse of ingredients.
On two seperate occassions, he had issues with his cooking appliances. One refused to heat to “the perfect temperature”, the other kept needing to be restarted. But my friend was determined and resourceful. He urged me to go take a seat in his lovely dining area.
After an uncomfortable wait, he emerged, plate in hand, a smile of triumph beamed on his face. I was a actually a bit worried, we were getting close to opening. I suppose it was the issue with the heating elements, but it took nearly an hour and a half for me to get this meal. But at last, here it was.
To be honest, it wasn’t very impressive. My first thought was that I could have made this myself. My next was to notice that the bacon was well overcooked (perhaps it was the issue with the grill?).
The omelet was kind of sour. I began to fear that the milk had gone bad, too. Worse still, there was something green and fuzzy in the sauce! I began pushing the food nervously about my plate. After some time, I encourage my friend to get started with his opening prep while I finished his “excellent” meal. The moment he was out of sight, I scraped the contents of my plate into the deepest receptacle I could find.
When I returned to my friend in his kitchen, he was once again raving about “ALL of his wonderful ingredients”. I thanked him for his efforts and he urged me to return again soon. I never did.
Ingredients Do NOT Create A Great Experience
Ok, to be honest, I made that story up. I DO know the owner of a wonderful restaurant in Havre De Grace (also more impressive with the french accent). His kitchen has two lone refrigerators. He does not have pantries of stored ingredients, though he does have a small herb & vegetable garden on-site. His dishes are exquisite and so is the wine.
He realizes that it is not the size, volume, or variety of his ingredients that matter but their freshness and quality. To be honest, sometimes I order an entree on a weekend evening to learn it is no longer available. No worries, because ALL the meals are excellent.
Big Data Does NOT Create Great Experience
Like my fictional friend, all big data is likely to do is slow you down, go stale, turn rancid, and challenge your ability to prioritize. Big Companies hire Big IT to build Big Warehouses all the time. Eventually folks began to realize this wasn’t working, so they re-branded their “warehouses” as “Data Lakes”. Should the lake be green and fuzzy? Don’t worry… that was part of the architecture.
Companies don’t invest in timeliness or tools. They don’t value experience and technique. They put their technology in the wrong place and then right off the craftsmen. All in the name of the Big Company Omelet, also known as NPV. Note — just like an omelet, any half-baked analyst can build one but sadly, they aren’t impressing anyone. All they do is argue over what is in it and what the hell to do with it. Worse still, it tends to taste a little sour… perhaps the milk has gone bad.
Stop Crowing About Your Big Data… We All Know You Are Compensating
Stop with the “Big Data” already! The secret is out. You don’t have the timing. You don’t have the technique. You don’t have the tools. You don’t have the experience. Deal with it! And for Peet’s sake, learn to park your damn pick-up truck, too.
