Hawaii Five-O, Analyst Porn?
It’s not the only thing they’re exploiting…
I have been watching Hawaii Five-O since I was a little boy. In those days, it was on in syndication after school let out but before anime and toy sales converted afternoon TV into the cartoon hour. This was all pre/early cable days for all you millennials out there.
I have been watching this latest CBS series from the beginning. I tuned in originally out of pure curiosity. The old series, for me, was one of my limited options in the days before streaming and hundreds of cable channels. I kept tuning in this time because of… all the porn. (Relax Mom, it is not what you think!)
Hawaii Porn
Every episode starts, or quickly gets to, a stunning panorama shot of Hawaii. The original series was the first to shoot in Hawaii and the newest is credited for a boost in both tourism and additional attention from Hollywood.
While the landscapes and flyovers are stunning to fans, they also seem to help attract a slew of guest appearances. H5O regularly features Pro Bowl players past and present (football porn?). Iron Chef Morimoto is a recurring cameo character (sushi porn?). The show often features former members of the cast of Lost likely suffering from withdrawal (Lost was filmed in Hawaii, as well).
Car Porn
While the island of Hawaii’s in-your-face beauty makes it a form of product placement without much effort, Chevy doesn’t really hide how hard they are trying. Chevy cars are everywhere on this show and the car chase is a mandatory part of every show.
New and old, sports cars, pick ups, and SUVs — anything Chevy produces with a little bit of sex appeal is likely to appear on the show. They have even worked a running argument over who gets to drive into nearly every episode as well.
If tropical paradise or Chevy cars are not to your liking, the show offers plenty more. There is also gratuitous visuals of surfers, helicopters, guns and the equally mandatory foot race and tackle scene. In later seasons, they have added drones, robots, and a host of tech eye candy — for those who grow bored of endless bikini and shirtless male cast members…
Analyst Porn
So that brings us to Analyst Porn — yes, we get to have our own! And I am not talking about the gratuitous product placement of every Microsoft product they can wedge into a scene. Seriously, Microsoft makes Chevy look subtle!
The Analyst Porn I am referring to, starts with that beautiful table they use in their headquarters. It continues with the walls of displays and how all of it works together in a flawless dance of visualizations, data, and algorithms.
A little less visual but equally appealing to analyst’s everywhere is the wealth of systems and data to which the team has access. No IT tickets or long waits required. No messy data. The show leaves the NSA and even the data team at Google salivating.
Gamers, virtual reality, social media, and other themes regularly emerge to allow the producers to augment their analytic wonderland. Mobile devices, cutting edge forensic gear, and super hackers are all regular features.
Just to prove a point, the show recently added the character Jerry Ortega as a regular. Jerry is played by Jorge Garcia of Lost fame.
Jerry is a conspiracy theorist and adds additional comedy elements to the show. His character also stands in stark contrast to the rest of Five-O’s analytic wonderland. For some not completely explainable reason, he is relegated to an antiquated laptop in the Five-O basement and spends most of his time digging through paper files, archives, and libraries. Not to miss out on the view (beach porn?), he does get a giant flat screen monitor for a window…
Hawaii Five-O is a fun hour of television for those who like police dramas, plenty of action, and gratuitous … visuals. It also features solid character development. The relationship between Steve and Dan-o is funny and well-written. If you are looking for an analytic porn fix… there may be no better place to turn.
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