If You Let Marketing Do Its Own Reporting
A Parody of Pigs and Pancakes
if you let marketing do their own reporting
they’ll probably want to hire someone to do it
when they do
they’ll hire a young college graduate
so they won’t have much experience
the young graduate will try very hard
so she will listen to everyone
making sure the numbers meet everyone’s expectations
and tell a good story
she tells them what they want to hear
she will learn that not everyone likes the numbers
so she looks for new numbers that tell a better story
she looks for numbers that make everyone smile
they tell her to use ratios and moving averages and other odd KPI
after they will want third party data and another reporting analyst
so you purchase and hire and they want more and more
they want to send them to finance
to be stamped and be sent to the CEO
the CEO thinks you agree with their numbers
and sends them to the board
they will want to audit them
when they do, no one will understand them
you end up on the phone with compliance
when you explain what happened
they will want more reporting
getting resources will be difficult because marketing spent the budget
and chances are
there won’t be enough money
and chances are if you can’t do their reporting
they’ll want to do their own…
