Use All Criticism to Your Advantage
“To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” ~Elbert Hubbard
While writing about loneliness, I recreated an intimate scene from my time in Africa. I wrote a paragraph juxtaposing my good intentions with my raw human desire. I laughed at my own cleverness as I reread what I had written, and sent it to a friend.
The friend I shared with has been a key figure in my writing and healing journey over the last few years. We shared space in a writing group for two years and became very close. She is kind and insightful and wildly encouraging.
My friend has read and listened to a lot of my writing. On one occasion, I asked her to do some detailed editing on an essay, but mostly, she has been a cheerleader on my journey. She lets me know when she feels like my words have translated beyond my personal experience, to the universal, for example.
When I shot off the paragraph to her, I wasn’t expecting any type of critical feedback. She knows I’m in the midst of writing a book, and I will occasionally let her know how it’s going, but she understands I’m not looking for editorial feedback. So you can imagine my surprise when she responded by questioning me.
She wanted to know more details about the man I was eyeing from across the conference hall. Then she did something totally unexpected. She gave me negative feedback.
She suggested some rewording so that she would feel more “hit in the face” by what I was trying to convey. Of course, being the gracious woman she is, she made sure to let me know she related to the experience, but my wording didn’t quite do it justice. (She would never say those words. They’re mine.)
My immediate reaction was one of defence. I explained that this was the part of the process where I was trying to get things down as they happened, and not worry so much about the lessons, or editing. The deeper parts would hopefully find their way in during the next round.
Because she is who she is, though, I asked follow-up questions, and we kept talking.
After talking for a while, and after sitting with her words, I realized how valuable her criticism was. I reopened my document and started working with the scene some more. There was quite a bit I’d left out, actually. And she was right. The scene deserved more oomph!
Use all criticism to your advantage.
We’re all going to be criticized. As long as we are creating, our work is going to be criticized. The only way to avoid creative criticism is to shrink back into the shadows and stop creating. But who wants to do that? I don’t. I don’t think you do either.
The sooner we accept criticism as a natural part of the creative life, the sooner we can learn how to deal with it. Dancing well with criticism is just another skill to learn in life. Why not embrace it?
Criticism doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Even negative criticism isn’t necessarily bad.
If we’re fortunate, we’ll have at least one friend in our corner, like mine, offering the best kind of negative criticism. This is ideal because these people know us. They know our hearts and they know our stories, and they want to see us succeed.
Then there will be the not-so-great kinds of negative criticism. There will likely be some extreme instances when someone will plainly hate on what you’ve created, or worse, who you are as depicted through your creation. Even then, you have an opportunity to learn. At the very least, the person’s criticism might give you new material.
When we receive positive feedback, we can still learn something.
If someone says they love your writing, for example, you might do well to find out what it is about your writing they love. They could expose some skill you have as a writer you were unaware of, and then you’ll have the chance to grow that skill.
We’re all learning, all the time.
Approaching all types of criticism, whether positive or negative, from a learning posture, is the best way to grow as a creator.
But don’t forget to honor your unique creative spirit.
“I have already settled it for myself, so flattery and criticism go down the same drain and I am quite free.” ~Georgia O’Keeffe
Learning and growing from criticism doesn’t mean we have to be impressionable. Approaching criticism from a learning posture doesn’t mean we take all of it to head or heart.
Sometimes the best thing to do is laugh, and offer a token of peace.
I once shared a collection of images I’d created over the span of a few years. I had returned home to California after spending eight years living in different places around the country and world.
I love California. It’s my home, and I was happy to be back. I enjoy photography as well, so I had accumulated quite a collection at this point. I also enjoy altering photographs through digital art.
For anyone who understands the basics of photography, it would be easy to see I had edited this particular collection of photographs in quite a fantastical way. The colors were bright and obviously not representative of exact reality.
It was something I needed to do as a creator, and it didn’t matter to me what anyone else thought. I shared because the images, and the process of making them made me happy.
The feedback I received was mostly positive, and mostly from people who already knew my style and creative work.
But there was one person who insisted on telling me how bad the images were. Except for the last one, he said, which was a picture of me, and which was edited in the same fantastical way as the rest. There was nothing constructive about his words. He just wanted to tell me he thought the images were “quite bad”.
Because the work was so intimate, so close to my heart, and so impervious to anyone else’s opinions, I simply laughed and responded with a peace sign.
Even these moments are learning moments if we let them be. Not everyone gets to have a voice on our creative journeys. It’s ok to discard some criticism without giving it any thought.
May the criticism we receive continue to build us up as creators.
What about you? How do you deal with creative criticism?
