A Stupid Question
They say there are no stupid questions. I respectfully disagree. There are plenty of really stupid questions. I have always tried to steer clear of them. But sometimes life throws you a curveball and there’s just no way to dodge. Case in point, the assignment our class has been given -
“How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
Why would a world-renowned professor at Modi & Gandhi Institute of Public Policy for People with Mid-Life Crisis give this as the first assignment to the new batch of students? What is the point of this question?
First we thought it was a joke. The lecture before this had been a stimulating discussion on the politics of political-scion Rahul Gandhi. All of us were still excited to finally have our dreams realised of studying at this premier institute, and the air was buzzing with electric enthusiasm. The class had also been divided into groups of 5, to work on group assignments. We were excited to discover our batch mates, what back-stories they beheld. Everyone was eagerly awaiting what stimulating problem we would be working on.
“How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
Professor wrote on the board. And he meant it. Class dismissed.
We had 1 day to find the answer. And the group with the correct answer will get bonus marks in the final exams.
Is this what I slogged for the last year preparing entrance exams for? Is this what I left my seven figure salary job for? Is this what my stellar bureaucratic career will be based on?
Work started in earnest to determine how many ants it would take.
First step, find some ants. We discovered the unkempt hostel garden is a breeding ground of ant-hills. The most daring member in our group, Dave, who was a carpenter before getting involved in an environment movement for protection of forests and deciding he needs to further study to pursue his new found love for undead wood, volunteered to fetch our experiment subjects. It only took him a few dozen ant-bites and a swollen right hand.
Second step, make the ants do something useful. This is as hard as it sounds. How do you direct ants? Scientists say ants use a variety of small chemicals known as pheromones to communicate. The single girl in the group, Veda — who also happened to be a straight-out-of-undergrad overachiever — had two perfumes. We tried both, carefully laying a scented trail for our ants, but the ants did not indulge. We mixed the two scents, still the ants did not indulge. Rest of the group only had their body odour with them, and we decided to skip testing with that.
Someone had a bright (pun intended) idea of coating the light-bulb with sugar. Lo & behold, the ants started to show some modicum of interest in the bulb, they started gathering around it. We iterated, this way & that. And voila, a resourceful group of ants bandied together, lifted & started carrying the bulb away! This was major progress. The ants were carrying their lightbulb loot, and we were all counting furiously. 37 macho ants is what it takes. Hey, they might not have gone all the way & screwed in the light-bulb..but we get marks for steps, right?
Class Next Day
We asked other groups how far they had gotten, and it seemed we were the furthest along. No-one else had been able to make the ants do anything. The professors’ applause for our group, and my bureaucratic career seemed assured.
“So who can tell me how many ants it takes to screw in a lightbulb?” Prof asked
We told him our partial answer. He giggled. He asked about our process. We told him. He started laughing, maniacally.
“In all my years of asking this question, you are only the second who have come up with an answer like that. Congratulations. Ha ha ha ha ha he he he he he”
We were feeling proud and not a little confused. Prior diminishing, latter increasing by the second.
“How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb? You see the challenge of this task. But haven’t humans accomplished feats which are comparable to this task? We have put a man on the moon, made it possible to connect with anyone across the planet instantly, eliminated smallpox, and unlocked the mysteries of the universe.
Were these feats a result of the number of individuals working on the problem? Or is it something else?
It does not matter how many ants there are. That, my dear students, was the point of this question.
These feats are made possible only through each generation building on top of the previous generation & society’s ability to channel each individual’s contribution into the larger human tapestry. Without either, we are no different than ants who are barely able to move a sugar-coated object.”
Seems this wasn’t a stupid question at all.
