Nothing in Life is Guaranteed.

I’m an artist, author, and entrepreneur who suffers from depression. The level of depression from one person to the next can vary from simple sorrow, to crippling doubt and an inability to react. I fall on the latter scale. It’s only been within the last couple of months, at the tender age of 28, that I’ve realized how bad my depression can be.

Depression doesn’t mean you have to be suicidal, but left unchecked it can lead there. It’s a monster that manifests in a variety of different forms and for me, I become a recluse. I’ve also been recently diagnosed with ADHD, so many brain in hyperactive, my synapses firing at light breaking speeds, with new ideas, new goals and new endeavors to accomplish, but not a single bit of motivation to make it happen. It’s like having a Lamborghini without wheels.

Let me begin my story with a little history. I’m a college drop out — although, my intended major was Aerospace Engineering with a specialty in Thermal Propulsion systems. I moved to New York City in 2007, and found a job after three days working at a data recovery company. At nineteen years of age, my salary was more than both my parents. I quickly climbed my way up the corporate ladder within a couple of years, and by the time I was 22, I started working at a private equity company. It was there, that I would meet one person who would change my life completely.

His name was Ronan. Ronan and I had a brief conversation about motorcycles on a Friday evening at the office. I found him to be extremely fascinating because at the age of 27, he was the vice president of the Real Estate division to a $23B investment company. He had three degrees from Penn State and was by far one of the most intelligent people that I knew. Ronan was hit and killed on his motorcycle that following Sunday.

That was the day that I learned that Life isn’t guaranteed. Nothing in Life is Guaranteed.

About a month later, I was laid off. I found a job shortly thereafter and would find myself unemployed once again two years later. It was around that time that I started dating a successful and passionate young woman. We talked about all of the things we’d accomplish together and all of places that we’d see. What she didn’t realize was that I was scared. I was afraid. Afraid of failure. Afraid of the world. I had crippling self doubt.

Throughout our relationship, I’d spend more time playing video games, than getting any work done, unconsciously avoiding work, failure and the like. My brain was happy because the digital barrage of bullets and crossfire, satisfied my brain’s hunger for constant stimulation. Unfortunately, that meant that I didn’t get much done. I did as little as possible to get by. Simultaneously, I allowed someone else to take the risks in life that I was too afraid to make, but who didn’t understand what I was experiencing. That misunderstanding, lead to anger, confusion, and outbursts on her part. Outbursts that I was no one. Outbursts that I wasn’t enough. Needless to say, I started to feel small.

I spent almost four years of my life that way. Unconsciously existing in a vacuum, refusing to accept reality. It wasn’t until I was almost 27, the age that Ronan passed away, that I looked in the mirror and understood how far I had fallen. I wanted change.

That was a year ago. I’m currently writing my second book. I’ve traveled around the world. I’ve lectured in front of thousands of people… and to be honest, my greatest personal accomplishment in the past year is that I’ve learned to become self aware of my depression and ADHD. Identifying that there is a problem allows you to find a solution.

What’s helped me over the last year is simply finding good company, good friends and vocalizing what I’m going through. Depression sucks. Finding a solution or a positive outlet for your depression is evidently more important than trying to cope with it.

JEFF.

p.s. Here is a post that I put on Facebook, just a couple of months ago about this topic:

25 Million Americans suffer from depression EVERY SINGLE YEAR. You are NOT alone.

Depression can skew your perception on yourself, your environment and your future. It’ll change the way you sleep, eat, and think, as well as change your level of energy, interest and self esteem. Overall, things can start feeling a little hopeless.

…and here’s the thing, depression can be genetic or could be due to your life circumstance, be it financial or otherwise.

I find that when I’m depressed, I do 1 of 2 things… A. I eat. Or B. I do absolutely nothing and vegetate for hours playing video games. It’s been that way for YEARS. That lack of productivity and procrastinating lead to more anxiety, and more depression. It becomes a perpetual cycle. This is why, I’ve found that I try to find happiness in the small victories throughout the day… Things like writing a list on paper and crossing sections off or using post it notes to track tasks have become so imperative in my daily life. They remind me that I’m accomplishing something, I small as a task as that may seem.

Since then, I weigh 186 lbs (as of this morning) and at my heaviest weight… I was 247. I’m currently writing my second book in less than a year, along with a million other tasks on my list and I’m happy.

The point of this whole post is this…

If you feel that you’re alone — You have other people out there that love and care for you. You have people who want to see you succeed in life, even if you don’t realize it. Your life has value and your life has meaning.