Art of the Table: How to Learn More about Yourself through Teaching Others

He’s heard it time and time again — ‘you’re just bringing people food; it’s not that hard.’ But to Daniel Lysak, there’s an art to waiting tables — and a rush of exhilaration as he walks up to each new guest. In his new book How to Be an Excellent Server, Daniel offers a look inside the psychology of restaurant success, detailing how to read people, how to create win-win situations and how to never get a tip below 20%. At the same time, he offers an insight into his own love of people and why in an increasingly digital world there’s always a need for a smiling face.

“You know how you’ve been telling me that when I have opportunities, I need to grab them?” Daniel asked me.

“Of course I do.”

“Well, as I ran back to Georgetown from the Washington Monument last week, I passed by restaurant after restaurant on M Street. Anyone who knows me would tell you I am not afraid to speak with anyone, whether an intimidatingly beautiful woman or the CEO of a Fortune 500 Company. However, as I ran past the restaurants, I began to justify running past them. I was thinking, ‘oh I can always send them an e-mail tomorrow. I’m too sweaty. My giant orange headphones are embarrassing.’ That sort of thing…”

You could tell Daniel was fired up… he’d been acting ‘hesitant’ for the last few weeks so I was glad to see the ‘old’ Daniel back.

“I realized that I was making excuses, so I took a deep breath and walked into a fancy restaurant and asked to speak with the general manager. Then I did the same thing in another restaurant, and another one.”

I smiled thinking of this enthusiastic, young-looking guy wearing orange headphones standing at the host stand asking for the manager of these high-end restaurants.

“But I did it. I had four conversations, got follow-ups with three of them and one of those restaurants asked me right there to train their staff. I am going to be training new waitstaff at Mai Thai this summer!”

“I am so excited to hear this Daniel! I knew it.”

“It is so cool to see how I can make sure even more people than I directly serve have an enjoyable experience at restaurants.”

“Exactly. This is quite the first gig for your new consulting business!”

Daniel Lysak is an enigma. He’s bright, creative and aspirational, but he’s risk adverse and conservative. He’s enthusiastic and bold, but he’s humble and reserved. He knows what he wants, but has seeds of doubts at many of the steps along the way.

In many ways, he’s the prototypical 20-something. And that’s why I consider Daniel’s journey be one of the most fulfilling I’ve observed and coached along the way.

Daniel has done it his way — and that’s made it even more special.

Daniel Lysak was all for the idea of writing a book to accelerate his career and at the first mention, I saw his eyes light up. That’s how Daniel works — he sees things quicker than most. With not only course experience, but a genuine interest, in psychology and marketing, he was motivated to explore how he could mobilize his people-focused perspective for his own future.

But remember that ‘enigma’ part? Well, getting him to create the right book for his aspirations was going to take more work. I had reviewed his early assignments and reflected on what he shared in class, and was struck by the consistent enthusiasm he’d shared about working as a waiter at multiple elegant restaurants in the area and back home in New York.

I could almost imagine Daniel greeting me at my restaurant table, and genuinely caring about my experience that night. He loved this shit… I could sense that from each nugget he shared. And even more than that, he’s one of the best young people in that game. It’s more than just a ‘side gig.’ I wanted him to greet me at my next meal.

So when it came time to start his book, I was surprised by his topic: social media marketing for small businesses. Yes it was a fine topic and I’m sure he could write on it, but it didn’t jive with the Daniel I’d met. When I pressed him on it, he immediately shared, “Hey, I know that there’s companies that are going to come on campus and they’re going to want to sort of look for my marketing experience so maybe I’m going write a story on marketing.”

“But are you interested in that topic — more than anything else you could write on?” I responded.

“Well yes, I mean social media for small business could be interesting but I also feel that’s a topic that’s going to help me in my career. That’s why.”

I smiled. This was that enigmatic quality he had. He’d completely understood the power of a book and knew it could accelerate his career, but had approached the process from a pure, formulaic angle. He was completely right, but he was also totally wrong.

“Let me ask you a different question. Do you love restaurants? You said in your bio you wrote that you’ve never gotten below a 20% tip…”

“Oh, yeah,” he lit up. “I mean I love restaurants, totally.”

“Why not write your book about it?”

“It’s not my career. I love it, but,” he smiled, “I am in school to be a professional at something. I’m not sure yet, but something. Being a waiter is just like something I’m really good at. Like really good.”

“Tell me what you love about being a waiter.”

Daniel went on about just that. He was excited by the education surrounding the job — the customer service aspect, the timing of serving the courses, the dynamic interaction between the front and back of the restaurant, etc. His pace quickened and hands waved when he talked about how he always got great tips.

“Listen, I can teach anyone how to get a 20% tip. Anyone,” Daniel boasted.

With that one sentence about teaching someone, Daniel had confirmed and legitimized his passion to me.

“There’s your book, Daniel,” I affirmed. “Don’t write what you think you need to write to get a job. Now is a time to explore. Be open to paths that make you excited like you are right now. Write about what you love and we’ll see where it takes you. Rather than writing about what you think you should write about, I’m giving you permission to write about what you love. It will help to create a better book and, ultimately, get you into a job or career that you want.”

He half-smiled and processed what I’d said. He wasn’t fully on board… yet.

“It’s not an either or proposition,” I said.

Quite frankly, he had reason to be skeptical. His aspirations and challenges of reconciling them all are common with most high achievers. There’s the path that you can easily explain to people — great school, prestigious job, high profile company — then there’s the thing that gets you jazzed up… your calling… your purpose. He didn’t go to school to be a waiter — he just enjoyed it and was really great at it. And Daniel was torn between the two.

It wasn’t a surprise he’d felt a tension and I knew part of my job was to help him navigate it — can you get a job and make money and pay off student debt doing something you love?

That’s what nearly everyone in their 20s asks themselves…

For Daniel, his love of restaurants and meeting and engaging with people started when he was young. Lysak honed in his love of people with reflections on his home, centered around his Italian mom and her meals that kickstarted his transfer from food aficionado to someone on a more professional path.

When he was only 11 years old, Daniel helped mom launch her home-based catering business, Cucina d’Assunta. As he reflected on what made it work (beside the quality of the food, of course) much of it came down to the manner and attitude the food was made and presented with.

“Honestly, before I was systematizing it, I was thinking in terms of my mom when I was a kid making food and coming and serving my brothers and I and the genuine care that was present there.”

And based on his own experience in restaurants, there was no reason why that sentiment shouldn’t apply to servers at any level or any restaurant.

“But with that background of cooking the food, preparing the food, delivering the food, all aspects of food service, I think that really gave me a full appreciation of what it means to truly make someone’s night and really just make it special, make it feel like they’re at home.”

When he began college, he knew he needed to make money on the side, and he was drawn to the jobs in restaurants where he’d thrived. He even picked his majors — marketing and psychology — to learn more about the natural tools he’d relied on in his restaurant service experience to understand guests, craft a wonderful experience around what they needed, and ultimately be rewarded with compliments and great tips.

But a part-time job at a restaurant was different than writing a book about a ‘job’ you grow out of once you land a ‘real career.’ Why write a book on the topic?

Because you have something valuable to say and to share.

As he brainstormed, Daniel finally became sold on this idea of a book that followed his natural interest in restaurants. Where it led — he agreed — wasn’t perfectly aligned to what his desired career arc had looked like, but he certainly knew he could write something great, fun and insightful because he loved it. And as he dug in further, he realized he could present his passion as its own science.

And presenting tools to foster a people-first mindset that would encourage patrons or even transform a customer’s day, while ensuring high staff camaraderie and confidence?

“I now believe that I want to use my love of people to help others achieve success in an industry with which I am greatly familiar: restaurants.”

“When I did my first restaurant job, when I first walked in, it was just really natural the way in which I quickly befriended everyone. The first part of the book as you know is all about interacting with one’s co-workers and leveraging those interactions to your advantage. Similarly with interacting with customers, a lot of it did come naturally.

But then, as I started to think about it more and I discussed with my peers, my fellow servers things that worked, things that didn’t I was just really informed by background of studying psychology, I really started thinking about it in a very systematic way.”

Daniel’s insights — guided by his own curiosity and learnings in his coursework — were a way to teach others what had come so naturally. If you’ve ever listen to a professional golfer, they often talk about “feeling” the putt. But when you have to translate that ‘feel’ into instructing someone else, not everyone can do it. That’s why Daniel’s book was so unique — he took his own ‘feel’ for a restaurant and turned it into a playbook (told through some hilarious stories) for anyone to develop their own “feel”.

“You need to read the customer or you need to be people smart. I think most servers are aware of that fact but they don’t really have the nuance to understanding of what it really means to be reading the customer. How can you break that down? How can you categorize it?”

The system that Daniel explores in How to Become an Excellent Server offers these categorized insights into thriving in restaurants. As a further testament to Daniel’s own charisma and dedication to coming at things from the plane of personal connections, he took this one step further by angling the book to address gaps he saw specifically as a millennial.

“One concern that managers of restaurants that I discussed this with have told me is that one of the biggest problems with serving is the generational gap between baby boomers and millennials both in terms of communication, in terms of works style, just in terms of personality.”

Daniel’s goal of helping others become better servers certainly has something to do with raking in those big tips. But more than that,

“I think underlying, if you really want to be excellent at this is really, really caring about the excellence of the service and the tips will flow from that. I think that shouldn’t be undersold.”

Caring is not only vital in terms of benefitting the people he works with, or for. To be excellent in pursuits requires that same high-level interest and dedication high-level results will follow from.

And this will make things far more interesting, and significant, anyway.

“I want the book to be something where it has an element of whimsy. It’s all about flexibility. You’re able to be the entertainer who is willing to freestyle rap into a pepper shaker. But at the same time, you’re able to be the servant who has excellent, diligent service who has everything down to precision, who anticipates anything that the customer could possibly want.”

Daniel is delighting customers from regulars to those who dine out only once a year, and has even earned tips of over 100% when 15–20% is the norm. And he is looking to invite others in on his secrets,

“I hope as many servers as possible will have exposure to it. I hope to share it whatever extent is possible.

My goal is not to make millions of dollars selling copies. I just want it to be out there and I do want it to become popular because I think it really does encapsulate exactly what it takes to be successful as a server. There are so many servers in America. National Food Service Day is coming up in May. I hope to receive endorsements via that so that the message will go out as much as possible throughout the country.

I hope that the consulting business will be a success. I am definitely willing to put the time, put in the work to make that happen and to the best of my ability articulate why I think this is so valuable to millennials and to all servers in general.”

Serving does not even have to be what Daniel is committing his entire life to in order to impact others for good. But he is good at it, and for now, he loves working within restaurants.

Training waitstaffs this summer? That’s just his side hustle. He’s making more contacts for his consulting business and oh yeah, interning for the FBI.

Where his career leads actually may be less clear than before, but he’s realized his ability to understand people and teach others — be it in the restaurant arena or in any other area of business — is his natural gift.

“Launching a consulting business is perhaps even more daunting task. I think what’s great about the idea of this course, thesis, the new degree if you will is that through launching, a book is like a task. When you try to put your systematic thinking into writing, you can really get a sense if you really have some valued offer. Definitely I think it was a successful task for me.”

“I think that I was really able to elucidate my thinking on it. I think it translates perfectly into this restaurant consulting business that initially I’m going to be working with some smaller restaurants and then expanding, and then who knows? But definitely, I couldn’t be more excited about that perhaps even more so than the book because it will be directly interacting with the target book customer, if you will.”

“I have already sent the book to people like the chief digital officer of Starbucks, executives at chains like Red Lobster, owners with dozens of locations and many others. I think that expanding into contacts at large food chains, and hopefully getting my book into those places as well, would be an incredible way to expand the prominence of the book, and certainly my business.”

Daniel has a pretty solid start with his early client list. Now, he is speaking with nearly a dozen other clients as he charms restaurant contacts and shares his knowledge.

He didn’t find a passion, or a new interest — and in many ways this doesn’t have to be a career choice or lead to anything more than some potential side income and a way to learn. Daniel Lysak recognized that an area he was already succeeding in and passionate about could be something worth giving a much closer look.

And perhaps Daniel was able to see that you don’t have to ‘give up your passions’ as you grow up — you simply evolve, learn and keep finding ways to do what you love. Daniel’s no different than most young people with high aspirations: he’s navigating a new world with boundless opportunity and looking to see how to grow, learn and advance. Now he has a new perspective on doing that in connection with his own personal passions.

“Now, if you ask me what fires me up and gives me passion for life, I have no answer other than people. I love all people, and I think that is why training waitstaffs to deal with all sorts of different characters comes so naturally to me.”

He was able to write an insightful book about people — the people who come through the doors each night at a restaurant including staff, ownership, customers and even the occasional “Mr. Cranky” who sits in his section. And it just so happens that what he values — building relationships, quality food service, and profit — is exactly what restaurant do too.

Personality and passions don’t need to be set aside for professional pursuits when the former can perfectly plate and serve them.

To connect with Daniel for speeches, presentations, interviews or consulting work, dal90@georgetown.edu. Purchase How to Be An Excellent Server on Amazon. Watch his interview on Youtube at Signal Class.

To learn more about Signal Class visit www.SignalClass.com or to apply for an upcoming experience, visit www.SignalClass.com/apply.