Humor | Animals
A Dog’s Favorite Foods
#4 will surprise you
Excerpt from The Fit Lab, a fitness blog by my labrador retriever Theodore
A lot of you have been asking about how I maintain my slender canine physique. Last week, I held a Q&A over my Instagram story, and it was by far the most asked question. Perhaps shockingly, I eat almost the same things every day, and most of them are my favorite foods. I think it is important to incorporate your favorite foods into your everyday plate.
To answer this question, I have compiled a list of my favorite foods. Most of these can be found at your home– more specifically, in your sink. I hope these whet your appetite.
1. Eggshells
Eggs are overrated, but eggshells– they are something else! Their crunch is unlike any other food on earth. I prepare these by knocking a carton of eggs off of the counter and onto the floor. The sloppy center oozes away, leaving the crunchy outside ripe for eating. Mmm!
2. Apple Cores
As Marren Morris sings, “Baby, why don’t you just meet me in the middle!” The apple core is the best part of the apple. Since I do not have thumbs, my humans have to cut the apple for me. Lucky for me, the humans are only interested in the red-ridden outsides; they throw the thick, juicy center into the sink– which I, of course, eagerly steal. So yummy!
3. Peanut Butter
Peanut butter is so much more than healthy fat: it’s rich with delight and happiness. I prefer the smooth sort, but I’m not picky so I will eat whichever consistency is available. Peanut butter is the best nut butter– don’t you dare try and trick me with almond or cashew butter, eww! Generally, I eat it from a spoon. Sometimes, there’s a little, round disc in the middle; it’s not as delicious as the rest of the peanut butter, but I eat it anyway.
4. Ambiguous Brown Pellets
Okay, have you tried these????? They are delicious! I have these every day, and they give me the energy to run forever, bark at walls, and chew all the couches. They taste like candy!
5. Pizza Crusts
Oprah once declared her love for bread, and I must agree that it is the best food. It is certainly the best part of the pizza. The cheese can upset my stomach and the sauce’s red richness gives me heartburn (I am surprisingly sensitive for such a strong dog). But the crust– the soft, tender crust– never fails.
