CREATIVE | HUMOR
A Dog's Guide to Walking with Their Human
Which dogs to play with, which dogs to avoid, which dogs to stare at but never approach
Every evening, after a hearty dinner of burnt pellets as well as scraps, my human and I take a sunset promenade. When the air is cool and the sun kisses the pavement, my energy rejuvenates– a long day of napping and stalking the counters for food can take a lot out of a dog. With my battery recharged, I am ready to not only walk, pull my human, and smell every swath of grass, but also eager to smell the behind of every pooch out and about.
Well….perhaps not every dog. After a few months of these twilight strolls, I have met dogs I love and dogs with whom I would not share a water bowl, to put it politely.
As I am so experienced, I would like to share my knowledge with you. Consider this your guide, my fellow dogs, of which pets to say hello to and which animals to avoid.
Beware…they bite
With a bite bigger than their bark, this short and feisty dog is usually accompanied by an elderly woman in a Talbots sweater no matter the weather. You do not want to play with them! They'll claw at your ears, nip at your legs. Cute from a distance, but vicious up close.
Whenever I see them, I stop for a tinkle. Since I have long, labrador legs, they stay away from me after I go to the bathroom out of fear that I will drip on them.
The slobber monster
I understand. You're a big dog. You're hot. As I large labrador myself, I absolutely understand the struggles. But do you have to get your foamy, sticky slime all over me? At least wait until the second date before you get your juice tangled in my fur.
To stay away from these slobber dogs, go to the other side of the street! Since they're already so hot, they won't want to take the effort to cross the street.
The queenie
"They can't play, their paws will get dirty," or so their human says. But I know that's not true. I've seen dogs like this before, getting down and dirty with their human's trashcans and rolling around in the flower gardens. They're not as prissy as their human would like them to be.
Personally, these are my favorite type of dogs to play with! I like to see their human freak out as their queenly dog disappoints them with their good-time growl and little kisses. I recommend pulling your human toward them.
The statue
Now, this is a strange breed. These dogs just stay put — loose leash, lightly tied to the porch, and just patrolling the streets silently. No matter how much I lunge toward them, they. Do. Not. Move. Imagine the things they see while quietly watching the streets!
In my experience, saying hello to this dog is a lost cause. They're too well trained. Look in their direction, flash a smile, and continue on your walk. They're too well trained for me.
The playful Polly
Before you see them, they see you. They’re pulling their human halfway down the block just to get a whiff of your scent. Their eagerness to take a romp through some stranger’s front yard with you falls nothing short of flattering. You don’t have to do any work to get this dog to pay attention to you.
If dogs had phones, we would trade numbers – if only we had thumbs! Instead, I’ll just memorize the smell of his behind and hope that our owners plan a playdate.
The trainer
Though technically a human, they are better than any dog you would ever encounter on an evening walk! Why you may ask? They have treats that they freely give out to every good boy, girl, or any dog in between.
Luckily for us, this person makes themselves easy to spot. Around their waist, they have a heavy, heavy, HEAVY pack full of Milk Bones. Simply smile, be gentle, don’t bark, and they will give you all of the treats that you want!
Evening walks with my human are the cherry on top of my day. Running into puppy friends along the way makes them even sweeter! I hope this guide helped point you towards the right dog to sniff butts with and the dogs to which not to give a lick of attention!
Woof woof!
