How much can you let yourself be loved?

Image: Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

I’ve always seen the whole ‘loving myself’ thing as something I had to actively do.

But now I see that all I can do from the level of my personal thinking is determine how much, or how little, I want to impede it.

The loving presence of God is always present. It’s overwhelmingly blinding to the ego, so as humans, we erect filters to regulate its flow.

From my personal standpoint, the only thing I can do to improve this area of my life is remove the filters.

It’s an allowing. 
A releasing
Not a doing.

We set the thermostat in this area... 
No one else.

Yes, we may have been hurt. Yes, we may have been embarrassed or shamed or downright disrespected.

But that doesn’t change this undeniable fact…

We set the threshold of how much love we allow ourselves to experience.

As I ponder this, it brings to mind how little love I allow myself to feel (from both myself and others).

When people compliment me, I start feeling claustrophobic. When I’m asked to talk about myself, I feel I need to rush through and turn the focus back to them.

I was taught from a very young age to ‘be humble’. But I was also told to always be on the defense. My dad would often quote Ronald Reagan in advising me, “Trust but verify.”

So is it humbleness? Or is it insecurity disguised as humbleness.

In the metaphysical sense, I see true humbleness as surrendering my ego defenses to open up to and make way for the love of Spirit to shine through.

These buried thought-programs may have kept me safe at a vulnerable time in my life. But I now see they’re still running strong in the background and jamming up the system.

I think it’s time to turn ‘em off. Because I know that, beneath them, lies the infinite love of God.

Damn… It’s getting bright in here.


Jonas Ellison is a spiritual writer, teacher, practitioner, and an interfaith minister-in-training. He helps people deepen their lives through applied spirituality while documenting his journey along the way.

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