Let’s Talk About Suicide & Hope
Four years ago I took a butcher knife and sliced up my arm; the product of no medication and an abusive relationship.
Two years later, I attempted suicide. I found a knife, and a long night of drugs and liquor ended with a police standoff, where I was almost tased, shot, and mauled by a police dog. I spent the rest of the night and most of the morning handcuffed to a hospital bed, and finally, at 5 am, the on-site care workers told me that I “didn’t fit into any mental health programs.” I went home, I fell on my bed, hoping the sheets would somehow wrap around my neck, and passed out.
Bell is encouraging people to talk about mental health issues with #BellLetsTalk on Twitter. It seems pretty successful, gaining national attention with thousands of people sharing their stories. I always felt that I could never use the hashtag to say anything; My story felt “too crazy” or I was “too broken.” So I just wallowed in my misery, and lost a few good friends along the way. Even video games, my primary form of escapism, couldn’t support me. I felt like there was no where I could find support in Winnipeg. I was too poor to afford therapy. I was “too functional” to apply for any programs that might help me.
But that was complete bullshit. I should have spoken up back then. I’m speaking up now. Let’s talk.
What got me back on my feet was the love and support of the mental health community here. I found a youth support group at the Mood Disorders Association of Manitoba, which connected me with some amazing people, who I count as some of my closest friends. I took whatever self-help courses I could afford, I even got some free therapy sessions. Without all of that, and my own hard work, I would have never found the strength to keep fighting for myself.
That’s why I needed to start A Critical Cause. I wanted to give back somehow, combining my love for video games with my passion for mental health advocacy to help others that felt lost. Gaming always seemed so lonely to me, so why don’t we take it back to the old days, when you’d show off games to your buddies on the couch. Let’s destroy the stigma that mentally disabled people are dangerous or unable to function.
We are people, and we are capable of great things.
That’s what Bell Let’s Talk day means. It’s a chance to break down those barriers and show the world that we are deserving of love, kindness, and respect just like everyone else.
Movies and games have shown us as evil sociopaths who try to take over the world. Let’s have them show the truth: We are kind, special people who exist.
Just like you do.
