Video Games Are Toxic and It’s Your Parents’ Fault

Why do some gamers seem to harbour an “everyone else is the problem” attitude?

Our “gamer” generation was brought up playing solo. Some of us didn’t have any older siblings, parents or other positive role models to teach us proper ‘gaming etiquette’. So, many online communities are veritable wild west of bottom-feeders, filled with lowest-common-denominator insults and quick-to-anger elitists — we haven’t been taught any other way!

According to Kenneth Barish, Ph.D’s article in Psychology Today, “The ability to accept defeat gracefully is not learned from instruction — it is learned through practice and the emulation of admired adults.”

A lot of gamers grew up rarely playing with anyone other than like-minded gamers. We didn’t have our parents to emulate, because our parents (and I’m speaking anecdotally here) weren’t gamers. We didn’t have anyone to mirror, because we were the pioneers of an emerging industry.

Matt Veldkamp is a father of two that has been playing video games for nearly 30 years. His 7-year old son, Kai, plays Spelunky and Mario. Veldkamp has consciously made an effort to teach Kai proper “gamer etiquette” when playing video games.

“The same way I teach him to interact with people in real life and the same way I try to act myself,” says Veldkamp. “Don’t be a dick. If people are being mean to you that’s their issue, you can defend yourself but don’t attack people for no reason.”

Only recently, the bulk demographic of “gamers” (age 25–39) are reaching the age of parenthood, and in turn, these gamers are currently raising the next generation of players.

This upcoming crop of players will be the first generation of gamers that’s raised by gamers. And with that, this new generation will (hopefully) learn proper “gaming etiquette”, how to lose gracefully, and to treat others as they would like to be treated in digital worlds, as well as in the real world.

What is it about certain games that bring out toxicity in some players more than others?

Two of the biggest e-sports in the world are League of Legends (LoL) and Defense of the Ancients 2 (Dota 2), and mega-developer Blizzard has joined the multiplayer online battle arena (Moba) genre, with their recently-released Heroes of the Storm (HotS). These games are widely considered to be the most popular multiplayer games in the world.

LoL and Dota 2 have also arguably harboured some of the most egotistical, angry, and outspoken players in video game culture, and are often ripe with toxic, angry, arrogant rage-gamers that are quick to condemn and eager to make excuses for why the loss isn’t their fault and why it’s actually a combination of many other reasons why they are blameless for the loss.

The developers of LoL and Dota 2 have had to come up with detailed harassment policies and punishment systems (LoL has even implemented a “Tribunal” system, where a jury of one’s peers makes a ‘judgement’ on whether or not the offender should be banned from the game or not) where because their player-bases were becoming so hostile and toxic to one another. Hell, the above meme even made it to the front page of /r/gaming…

This attitude isn’t solely found in the Moba world, and if anyone has played a first-person shooter (FPS) or a fighting game in the last 10 years, you know these players exist within all facets of the video game world.

How can we ensure the next generation doesn’t become as corrupted, jaded, and toxic as ours?

Veldkamp is teaching his son by leading by example.

“I have to explain to him that everyone dies, it’s part of the game. [I tell him] ‘you just have to learn and try a different way to beat the level/boss’,” he says.

Dr. Barish encourages a similar mindset.

“I recommend that parents play frequently and enthusiastically with their children. In these playful, competitive interactions, in innumerable small experiences of victory, followed by defeat, followed by victory, losing becomes tolerable,” says Dr. Barish. “Children should learn from competition the importance of teamwork and cooperation, of commitment to others and respect for our opponents.”

And when it comes to Video Games, I think we all agree that we can justify a little more respect for one another.