Above the Ego — Accepting Negative Feedback: A Writer’s Guide
Not All Reviews Will Glow — Don’t Become Dimmed
In my last article, I discussed tips, tricks and general good practices in regards to leaving feedback and criticism on stories. That one was pretty easy to write. In this article, I will be venturing into slightly more personal territory as we cover the fine art of receiving criticism graciously and avoiding the ever-present temptation of responding to those who choose a slightly more acerbic approach in reviewing. I want to cover why it’s so important to avoid falling into the bad habit of responding to negative reviews with negative reactions; why it’s a process where we, the writers, will never come out looking good in the end; how it can earn you a reputation of having thin-skin in an industry where such conditions are hallmarks of rookies; and, most importantly, how we can respond with grace, in most cases, and why, in some situations, we should not respond at all.
I’ve made these mistakes in the past, and my reputation suffered accordingly. So, please, mark my words, hear my story and take solace in knowing that I committed this industry faux pas (more than once) and likely burned bridges for it — so that you don’t have to!
The Reaction
Our reaction as writers will, no doubt, differ, based on the type of review. So let’s take a quick gander at a few examples of what we can expect to see from those who are kind enough to read our work and follow up with their thoughts, and what the likely responses from our egos might look like.
1. The Positive Review: Congratulations when you see one of these! As authors, we know that feeling when we read a glowing commendation on our efforts in the world of literature. We touched base with the reader on an emotional level and brought out sensations of joy, sweet sorrow, terror, laughter, etc.! In this case the path is quite clear. We thank them for reading and demonstrate a deep appreciation that we were able to connect with them on such a profound level. Maybe we share this review on our social media platforms to serve as a proof-of-concept, of sorts, that we are, in fact, worthy of our readers’ valuable time. We’re happy; our readers are happy — life is good!
2. The Negative Review: Yikes! The waters are getting murky now. You tried your best, right? You poured your heart into this work of literature but clearly missed some marks in a reader or two. Still, they were kind and compassionate in their feedback. They acknowledged your effort and encouraged you to keep going. The path here is similar to the positive review. Thank them for their time, though, perhaps, this doesn’t need to be shared all over our own social media outlets. Study these reviews, and look for the value. Maybe next time you’ll find some actionable use for this feedback.
3. The Vitriolic Review: And . . . now we’ve arrived at what can seem like the worst-case-scenario for many a creative type. This is where your potential critic lashes into you, swapping useful advice or balanced criticism for insults. They’re not concerned if you never write again. The only advice I can give on this, the very advice that I failed to take, myself, on many occasions… ignore it. That’s the only option where you, the writer, don’t come out looking bad. So let’s talk more on that!
My Points of Regret
For quite some time I had a nice, balanced reputation within most writing circles. I didn’t stir up drama, I didn’t overreact and I showed legitimate appreciation for those who supported me. Then I messed up. A review that I personally (and I say personally because time has shown me that there was no ill-intent from the critics in question) felt was mean-spirited and unprofessional simply struck me the wrong way. I didn’t take the time to really look beyond the initial surface level of their critiquing style. I took harmless jokes as cruel barbs; and I gave in to, what I felt was, a very human need to express my distaste. I will say that I tried my best to not simply roll in with anger; but I’ve looked back at the conversations and have realized that I failed in that regard too. I earned a reputation for wearing thin-skin and behaving as though I am above criticism. I’ve responded to negative reviews on my own work with large doses of sarcasm that I thought (at the time) was a compromise between doing nothing and expressing more of that regrettable angst.
Believe me when I say this, “There is no great compromise.” Reacting to negative feedback with negativity, regardless of whether the review tactfully states what they felt are shortcomings or whether they simply go for your very soul with harsh lines of sharp words, is NEVER the right answer. You (as did I) will come out looking all the weaker and all the less professional for your efforts.
I share this less celebratory side of my engagement with the community not to self-deprecate but to demonstrate why firing back at negative criticism is simply never a smart choice.
There are good choices to be made, though; and here are a couple ways to help ensure you’re making the best ones:
Carry a Bag
Not a literal bag, of course. Back in 2008, I arrived at Fort Hood, Texas as a newly-minted member of the United States Army. I wasn’t K. Banning Kellum at that time; I was Private Kellum, a wide-eyed and half-terrified recent graduate from Fort Knox, Kentucky, where I attended Basic Training. I was fortunate to fall under some outstanding leadership, though; and one of the sergeants who became my first-line supervisor told me this –
“Carry a bag in your mind. When you have a great leader, a non-commissioned officer or officer, who really demonstrates the right way to be, put those lessons in your bag. When you meet those toxic leaders, however, don’t store their influence in your bag at all. Let it drop to the ground. When it’s time for you to become a leader, you’ll have a bag full of valuable lessons and traits to develop from.”
That young non-commissioned officer was named Sergeant Baugher, and we parted ways back in 2009, when I switched over to another unit. I’ll likely never see the guy again, but his words still carry a ton of value in my life; and I hope they can inspire you as well.
Transitioning this advice to the young writer is simple. When you find yourself reading those glowing reviews that praise your work, put that joy in your bag. When you find those tactfully written negative critiques, take the advice contained and put it in your bag. The nastier views might not leave much for you to sack away, but if there is a gleam of inspiration within even the cruelest of words, that too can go into the bag. The vitriolic nonsense, the stabs and jabs at your esteem as a writer — let that fall to the ground. It has no place in your bag and deserves to take no space that’s better saved for words and advice with positive intentions fueling them.
Determine Intent-Versus-Perception
Intent and perception: the act of throwing the ball compared to the act of catching it. If someone tosses you a ball and it connects clearly with your forehead, your first reaction might be anger. You might just assume that they meant to beam you right between the eyes just to be cruel and see you stagger. However, before you lash out, you should probably look a bit deeper and find out if, perhaps, they were simply throwing you the ball; and you didn’t do such a great job of catching it.
A harmless toss can lead to a knot on your forehead, if you don’t do your part to keep your eye on the ball and catch it properly. The same logic fits a story review. Study the intent (what can be determined from the presented words at least) and make sure you’re not overreacting. Had I taken this crucial advice myself, I probably wouldn’t have earned those negative marks on my reputation. However, I reacted to the ball striking me in the forehead without even considering my own posture when I put my hands up to catch. I reacted poorly and have to live with that. You don’t though. If you really focus to understand the intent first, your reaction (if one is even warranted) will always be on the balanced end of things.
No Need for a Worst-Case Scenario
So now you’ve read through that review; and maybe you just can’t find a silver lining. It’s mean-spirited for the sake of show. Whatever can you do?
That’s easy. Do nothing! Your past actions will speak for themselves. Your appreciated talent will do the same, and those who support you will continue to do so. If you’ve worked hard and proven yourself to the community you create for, no words can change that. Other readers will see vitriol for what it is and will not judge your talent by someone else’s lack of talent in the arena of criticism. You will continue to shine as an example of how to deal with adversity through grace and professionalism, and won’t have to learn these lessons the hard way — like I did.
Dig into your bag and pull those good vibes out when they are needed, let the cruel barbs drop to the ground and keep traveling on your path as an author. Let your success be your only response to hateful criticism.
