When I was in graduate school I coined a phrase that, in my opinion, has universal applicability to daily life:

Sometimes bullshit is simply bullshit, not thesis potential.

That being said, I really did construct a three paragraph introduction to this. Which upon reflection, was a complete existential train wreck. Because really, when three paragraphs are needed to “cushion” the impact of the bright light of truth, frankly, the full impact may be just what’s required. Translated: More and more I am becoming less tolerant of the endless justifications people employ around “becoming a more authentic me”.

Full disclosure, and to be completely truthful, there is a required context here. Recently, while out for brunch with friends I hadn’t seen in quite a while, someone hit a very raw trigger. By actually having the nerve to launch into a lengthy proclamation, attempting to explain why he never came to see David before he died, and why he was MIA for the funeral. Apparently, because it would have been “too painful”, and he had to put his own “self care” needs first. This, keep in mind, was seven years ago! And he’s feeling the need to unburden this now, why?

To his revelation, I replied, “Painful? So is dying, I would imagine. When it becomes optional, so will being there. It may come as a surprise, but it’s not always about you”.

Suffice it to say, no one ordered a second latte.

But in all seriousness, sometimes bullshit really is bullshit. Not particularly confounding, no heavy theory to couch the reality, but there are people who will act with a pure, selfish intent, wrongfully assuming a deference to self awareness.

In medicine, we call it first principles. When one is completely lost as to an approach, let alone a decision on action, then a return to first principles is required. Back to basics. What do we know, why do we know it, and if we don’t know it, what do we think? Generally, that type of re-framing is all that’s required to pick up on the subtleties missed the first time around. If one fails to see the need for a re-framing, then that in itself is the problem, not a side effect of overly self referenced ways of existing in the world.

The following simple rules are ones I attempt to live by. They have served me quite well for my time spent on this planet, and I’m not inclined to change my frame of reference any time soon.

1. For the most part, be nice.
2. When in doubt, offer the benefit.
3. Offer empathy and understanding over judgment.
4. Step out of your comfort zone once in a while.
5. Before you say it, pause, take a deep breath, then decide.
6. If someone shows you who they are, believe them.
7. If you’re sorry, say it, and show it.
8. If you say you are a friend, be one.
9. Treat others as you would want to be treated.
10. If the truth will hurt needlessly, there’s nothing wrong with a white lie.

It’s really never as complicated as we make it.