How to be unf*ckwithable with Ellen Leanse
We have such an opportunity at this time to really deepen our conviction in the things that we believe in, and that is an ongoing practice. I would encourage everyone to learn to really listen to more than their heads, or more than the news, noise outside but really listen to where their truest self guides them, especially in the time ahead.
We’re at an important moment in society. As fear, uncertainty, and unrest touch all of our lives, regardless of ideology, what can we do to remain calm and effective agents of change?
We invited Ellen Petry Leanse to Crowdcast Talks to share what she’s learned about cultivating the inner calm that creates real change — a state, she calls, of unfuckwithability.
Ellen’s career is a testament to effective leadership. Early on she worked at Apple, Google, and Facebook. She now teaches Enlightened Innovation at Stanford, is a TEDx speaker, and coaches executives and startups on becoming happy, resilient, and more creative. Ellen exemplifies conscious leadership in business, so we were excited to chat with her.
Here’s what we’ve learned from our conversation with Ellen.
We’re all connected
On a sudden childhood epiphany she had at six years old, Ellen shares,
I really felt at that moment that I was part of something bigger and that there was a chain of humanity that was somehow linked together and had some continuity, and that it was our place in the world to try to strengthen that chain and to contribute something to its strength going forward.
That moment of realization, she says, shaped her life and the purpose she later found in her career.
Our well-being is intimately tied to our sense of purpose. Find your contribution, suggests Ellen, by being kind, curious, and always aware of our fundamental human interconnectedness.
It’ s okay to not know your purpose
The path to finding this purpose isn’t always linear, she says, echoing the words of Patrick Moreau. Ellen began her own career by following the rules of success handed to her by society. Though she was good at playing the game, Ellen lacked confidence in her intuitions about the world.
But learning to trust in these intuitions was what unlocked a sense of inner freedom.
“I think it’s so often when we’re earlier in our life those secrets we keep inside about our own capabilities, or ambitions, or aspirations or a sense we have of what’s going on is kind of our crazy part.” But the real work is “about looking at those things not as our craziness but as our superpowers, the things that really fuel us to be the best we can be.”
Becoming “unfuckwithable”
So what is “unfuckwithability”? Ellen defines this playful term as the state “when you’re truly at peace and in touch with yourself and nothing anyone says bothers you, and no negativity or drama can touch you.” This place of confidence and creativity is where we find true success.
She offers three keys to achieving this state of inner peace and confidence:
- Step outside your mental comfort zone. The unconscious part of our mind that operates from fear and bias can run as much as 90% of our thinking, says Ellen, and it’s fast and efficient. But it can also prevent our most “generative, creative, and sophisticated” thinking. The path to more creative, powerful work is to train our brains to step outside of this modality.
- Have a “curiosity practice.” A key to connecting with others meaningfully through conflict is to be genuinely curious. Whenever you are in disagreement with someone, find in yourself a place of inquisitiveness. This shifts you from a defensive mindset to an open mindset while making the other person feel heard.
- Drop into awareness. How can you learn to shift from a closed, defensive mind to a more connected and creative mind when you don’t know where to start? Begin with identifying how each one feels. Pay attention to your body, thought patterns, and emotions to learn the difference. By dropping in we learn to tell when we’re operating from our “legacy code,” or unconscious thought patterns, or not.
Putting it into practice
While those are the most important keys to inner resilience that she recommends, here are some more of Ellen’s tips for being unfuckwithable in daily life:
- Acknowledge your stressful thoughts with kindness. Whenever you experience anxiety or fear, label the thoughts as “anxiety” or “fear” and address them with compassion. This let’s you allow the feelings while still moving beyond them.
- Set a thoughtful intention before sleep. Whether you’re working on a project or something personal, clarify your goal so your mind can process and integrate it the next day.
- Practice seeing the world with gratitude. This helps cultivate resilience and personal growth while bringing deeper well-being into the body.
- Don’t hide your superpowers — own them. It’s easy to feel “weird” for our differences. But that’s often exactly where our power lies. Pay attention to your inner voice and embrace what makes you unique.
Above all, Ellen’s number one advice is to trust yourself:
Remember that part of you that you might have thought is crazy, which is the part that says you are extraordinary and that you have something really special to bring to the world and that you are here with a reason is actually your most brilliant and truthful self. And I don’t say that in a light way. I say that in a really deeply believing way. We’re so often told that this thing that we feel inside is our weirdness.
Watch the full replay
For the full replay of my talk with Ellen, click here.
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