A Letter To My Ex-Husband
Forty-five years ago today we walked down that aisle. “White lace and promises” as the song says. Dreams of tomorrow, of a life shared, of a future together.
Thirty-three years ago our divorce was final. A sad day. The end of those particular dreams.
We lost touch over the years.
Several decades ago you reached out to make contact. You were married now, with two sons. And you had some things that you wanted to say. The one that I remember most is that you said that you realized that you didn’t work as hard on our marriage as I had.
What a gift you gave me. I have my own regrets for things both done and not done during that time. I try to have self-forgiveness and self-compassion for who I was then and that I struggled and made some mistakes, but not out of maliciousness. Rather, those actions came out of not knowing how to reconnect, how to fix things, how to leave what felt like could not be fixed.
We have contact now, mostly email, on birthdays, holidays, and on this day, what would have been our 45th wedding anniversary. You sent me a lovely message this morning. I sent you one back, trying to express all that in in my heart that is sometimes so difficult to put into words.
I loved you then, and love you now, albeit in a different way. You and I came together and walked the path of life hand in hand for a while, until our steps became too much out of sync and we couldn’t find our way back to each other.
Regrets? Yes. Would I do things differently today? Yes. But I am different now, have grown (hopefully) in self-knowledge and some wisdom.
And so, on this very special day, I wish you well. I wish you love. I send you gratitude for having been such an important part of my life, and for being in my life still.
You will always be important and significant to me. You will always be a thread in my being. You will always have a place inside my heart and spirit. I wish you blessings’happiness, joy and peace. I wish you love.
Happy Anniversary.
