A Single Woman’s Secret to Holiday Happiness
You can create your own perfect holiday season.
With Thanksgiving’s abundance a fading memory, we’ve tumbled right into the annual “holiday season.”
In even the best of times, making it through the thirty-five or so days between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day in the cheerful, loving spirit the season demands requires a certain skill. For those of us with an increasing number of holiday seasons behind us, the period brings particular complexities. Details will vary but if, like me, you approach the holidays with trepidation — or resignation — I offer these thoughts on making the passage to January 1 manageable, maybe even fun.
Think about your expectations
Somewhere along the way, I came to understand that most of the angst I feel about the holidays originates in my expectations.
For so long, I held fast to the vision that I must create the perfect Christmas: My house filled with garlands of spruce; the aroma of cookies baking in the oven; elaborately wrapped gifts awaiting delivery to family and friends. A Martha Stewart Christmas dream.
Every year, I’d buy dozens of stamps and new holiday cards to send greetings to acquaintances far and wide. I’d seek out Christmas crackers in anticipation of a candlelight dinner with friends who’d don the paper crowns and groan over the unfunny jokes. I’d hang the adorable felt stocking my mother made when I was eight, with the fantasy that on Christmas morning, I’d find it filled with cute surprises and an orange in the toe, just as I had as a child.
In reality, I did decorate my house, tree and all, but there were no cookies. The stocking remained a sweet, limp memory, and the cards, stamps and Christmas crackers languished in the attic. Maybe next year.
These days, I’ve come to terms with my expectations. I still like a bit of greenery in the house, and goodness knows, I’ve got more than enough cards and forever stamps to reach out to the friends I now have time to connect with. I really love the James Beard “New Year’s” cookies I used to make, and with some planning, this may be the celebratory treat I share with friends. The point is the perfect holiday is what I choose to make it.
What are your holiday expectations this year?
Do you entertain ghosts of holidays past?
I got married in New York City on December 11. The German Lutheran church on 22nd Street was decked out, with an enormous Christmas tree and wreaths that made wedding decorations almost superfluous. In the weeks leading up to the event, I reveled in the City’s holiday excitement — shopping, dining, getting to know the family of my husband-to-be. My mother and aunt flew up from Texas; my father, from Colorado. Snowflakes were falling when now-husband and I left the reception in a horse-drawn carriage, bound the following day for a new life in London.
The ghost of that romantic time outlived the marriage by decades. And it was joined by other ghosts — dancing to the Plaza’s Palm Court orchestra at a festive singles Christmas party, a convivial dinner with friends after an untimely holiday break-up, celebrating a pre-covid New Year’s Eve with new friends in a new town, over a home-cooked Mexican dinner, and so many, many more.
Not all our holiday ghosts are so benevolent, but even friendly phantoms can intrude on present pleasures.
What are your holiday ghosts? Can you appease them this year, and let them rest in peace?
What are your cherished holiday traditions?
It may be tempting to throw the whole idea of the holidays overboard. But wait! There’s no denying it’s a special time, with traditions we share with family and friends. Honoring the memories and customs of holidays past gives meaning to our pleasure in the season. I’m no longer a church-goer, but I find such joy in the Christmas Eve service at the historic church on my town green. And, of course, there are those special “New Year’s” cookies!
If holiday stress threatens to become overwhelming, take a moment to think about what’s really important to you. Whether it’s preparing a vigilia feast of fishes, making tamales, or going to a candlelight service, honoring your tradition will help bring the peace of the season we all long for.
Have you found new traditions for the way you’re living now?
Of all the holiday traditions from my childhood, the ritual of the Christmas tree is the most precious: Selecting the perfect tree on a cold December afternoon; setting it up in its red and green stand and stringing the lights; bringing down boxes of ornaments from the attic and unwrapping each to savor its history and special meaning. But it’s a ritual I relinquished reluctantly when I adopted two young, hyperactive orange tabby cats. Even nine years later, those darlings could, and would, bring down a 7-foot Douglas fir in a New York minute. And so, I decorate the metal tree of life sculpture that hangs over my mantle — my new Christmas tree.
If cooking a feast of seven fishes has become too much, how about treating your family to a shrimp gumbo, or if you’re feeling fancy, Julia Child’s Coquille St. Jacques? And timely online shopping can yield interesting, stress-free gifts, from Hawaiian pineapples to faux fur slippers.
What new ways of celebrating the holidays are giving you pleasure?
If not home for the holidays, where?
Sometimes, the allure of a new venue shines as an exciting way to create the happiest holidays ever. If you gravitate to the warmth of Caribbean beaches or the frosty crunch of a mountain ski trail . . . and if the economy and health considerations allow . . . go for it! I’ve followed my Norman Rockwell holiday vision to a favorite New England inn, indulged in a week at a posh spa resort, and occasionally, traveled to Texas to visit a cousin and a few friends I haven’t seen in a while. Each of these options has its charms, and each lingers as my Holiday Plan C.
The truth is, for better or worse, I still prefer the holidays I create at home to the forced joy of celebrating with strangers in an unfamiliar environment. And it’s impossible to escape the reality of the season, anywhere you go. Even on the International Space Station, you’d be cheering for Santa and saluting the New Year.
So, join me in planning this year’s festivities to honor traditions old and new, and fulfill your own, beautiful vision of holiday happiness! Wishing you peace and joy in this most treasured season!
