Creating An Anti-Bucket List
Leaving time for what you love
I recently had coffee with a friend who had just turned 50. Like many of us at different ages and stages, she is exploring a life/career transition. As we talked through her many strengths and talents, it was clear that there are many possibilities open to her. So I asked: “Have you considered making an anti-bucket list?” She hadn’t, and I explained the concept to her.
Two weeks later, I heard back.
Your anti-bucket list suggestion was a great one, and perhaps exactly what I most needed to hear.
What is an anti-bucket list?
At its essence, an anti-bucket list is a list of things we never want to do or experience again. In one sense, it’s a twist on a “bucket list”, popularized by the movie of the same name, which is a list of goals, dreams and experiences that we’d like to achieve in our lifetimes, before we “kick the bucket.”
Things on the list may be things that deplete your energy, rob you of joy, or just are frustrating and give you the sense: “That is an hour, a day, a week of my life that I’ll never get back again.” They can range from the grand to the mundane. For example, things on my current anti-bucket list include:
- Not speaking up on issues that I am most passionate about
- Worrying about things I have absolutely no control over or that I can’t influence in some way
- Arguing with people on social media
- Saying yes to things today that I won’t want to do when the time comes around
- Volunteering for organizations that don’t respect people’s time or contributions, or serving on “working boards”
- Allowing others to decide how I’ll spend my time, including time in meetings that could be accomplished in an email or Slack message
- Completing a book that I start reading once I realize that I’m bored
- Spending time with “3D” people: The doubters, the devil’s advocates and the Debbie downers
- Filling out expense reimbursement forms, or any administrative tasks
Why create an anti-bucket list?
One of the most influential books I’ve read this year is Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman. It starts out this way:
The average human lifespan is absurdly, insultingly brief…Assuming you live to be eighty, you’ll have had about four thousand weeks.
I did a quick back-of-envelope calculation. Having turned 70 this year, if I live to 80, I’ve got approximately 500 weeks, give or take a week or two. And this means if I want to spend more time on the things that are important to me, I need to stop spending time on the things that are not.
When and where can you use your anti-bucket list?
As my friend found, having anti-bucket list is helpful in planning any life transition, including:
- Planning for retirement, or if you’ve decided traditional retirement doesn’t suit you, envisioning what you might do in your “unretirement”
- Exploring an encore career, or any new position for that matter. It can help you identify deal-breakers, e.g., lots of travel, long hours, no opportunities for growth, lack of flexible hours. For me, anything involving administrative work and scheduling is a non-starter.
- Creating a side hustle or an encore business that will meet your goals at this life stage.
- Deciding on a vacation destination, or how to plan a multigenerational family gathering.
- Looking for the right place to live (Note: Ryan Frederick’s book Right Place, Right Time is also really helpful in thinking this decision through).
Lately, I’ve been using it to weigh speaking opportunities that I’m offered to present on ageism. As passionate as I am about ending ageism, I don’t want to speak when it’s just a “check the box” speaking engagement, or a virtual presentation when everyone’s cameras will be off. I like to engage with people who are serious about learning more about ageism, and how and what they can do to end prejudice, stereotyping and discrimination based on age.
How to create your anti-bucket list
An anti-bucket list is at its essence identifying what we no longer want in our lives. Life is too short to engaged in activities that drain our energy, spend time with those who don’t respect us, or repeat experiences that no longer serve us. Things to think about in creating your anti-bucket list are:
- What I have experienced that I want to avoid in the future?
- What activities no longer excite me, or do I simply not want to do again for any reason?
- What types of people do I not want to be around?
Start by spending 15 minutes thinking and writing down experiences you’ve had that you don’t want to repeat, or tasks or actions that you’ve taken that you never want to do again. They can also be things that you’ve thought you should do, even though you’ve never taken action on them.
Share with a friend or partner. Ask each other: What is it about this experience or activity that makes you not want to repeat it? Jot down those notes.
Over the next two weeks, as you encounter situations where you feel drained, frustrated, angered or annoyed, ask yourself: What is it about this situation? If it’s something that you realize you want to steer clear from moving forward, add it to your “anti-bucket” list.
Note that it’s not a one and done. Every year, when I’m setting my goals and intentions for the new year, I revisit my list. And when I have that gut feeling arise in a situation, well, there it goes on my list.
I imagine some of you saying: “When we create these lists, aren’t we excluding ourselves from experiences that might be enriching, even if we didn’t enjoy them earlier in our lives?” Possibly. But that’s exactly the idea. Knowing that we have limited time on this earth — and that none of us know how much time — do we want to spend any of it replaying things that haven’t served us in the past? Anti-bucket lists are about recognizing that every moment is precious, and that the choices we make about how we spend our time shape the quality of our lives.
Let me know your thoughts — and what’s on your anti-bucket list — in the comments.
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Thanks so much!
© Janine Vanderburg, 2023.
