I Am the Speaker for the Old

This is not how I hoped to be the voice of my generation

Patrick Metzger
Crow’s Feet

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“Hurray for your pyramid scheme!” ASDF_MEDIA on Shutterstock.com

I never meant to get pigeon-holed — not a sexual term, by the way — as a writer of melancholy memoirs for seniors and wannabes. The label crept up on me stealthy and unannounced, like a leopard or ear hair.

No, like many a naive lad, lass, and nonbinary, I joined Medium to write fiction. I assumed my witty, trenchant prose would re-ignite the genre, and I’d soon be fielding excited emails from the New Yorker begging to publish my work and exchanging midnight thumbs-ups with the approving spectre of O. Henry, or possibly Alice Munro now.

Unhappily, although fiction and poetry remain my favourite genres, they’re a tough sell on Medium. Before long I was seduced by the siren call of absurd humour, political rants, and unabashed sky-is-falling doomerism (for those curious about my creative process, normally an angel materializes in my living room proferring wafer-thin gold sheets with words inscribed on them. He then waits, occasionally tapping his watch, while I transcribe the articles into the Medium app.)

Pandemics and zombie humour are important topics which draw a few eyeballs, and I don’t plan to stop writing about them. But.

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Patrick Metzger
Crow’s Feet

Dilettante, smartass, apocalypticist. ***See “Lists” for stories by genre.***