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Food And I Are Forging a New Relationship
All I need to do is stop eating like a child
A 25-pound hemisphere of flesh and fat has annexed itself to my midsection, and it is causing me problems. It makes it difficult for me to fasten my pants. It obstructs my sightline looking down, such that urination is an act of blind faith. It makes me look old and fat, which is not how I prefer to think of myself.
Apparently, it is harder to lose weight when you’re older. For a year I have tried to melt away the annex through aerobic exercise, strength-building exercise, walking, healthy eating, and wishful thinking. None of those, individually or in combination, has made a dent.
Finally, I took decisive action. This week I issued an executive order deporting all bathroom scales from my home, effective immediately. They offer nothing but fake news. Then I ordered layoffs for half the mirrors in my home because they are wasteful. They do nothing all day but hang around.
But after neither executive action changed the status quo of the annex, I turned to a reality-based solution: establishing a new relationship with food.
My old relationship with food is the one I’ve enjoyed since childhood, which is just a nicer way of saying that I still eat like a child — a child who dutifully cleans his plate at…
