He Goes By Mike
But it’s been a lifelong struggle to use the name
Growing up I was Mike.
Well, sometimes Michael, whenever I got on Mom’s nerves.
And later, maybe Miguelito or Mikey.
But that’s not who I am, so let me fess up.
I’m David Michael.
But, because my dad was Arthur David who went by David, they called me by my middle name.
It must have been a family ailment, switching up names like this, because Arthur David’s father, my grandfather, was also Arthur, or Art, so people always referred to my dad as David to distinguish him from his dad.
Thank God I didn’t have any boys, but my sister did… and yes, the family disease afflicted her too. Her first child, a boy, is Thomas Zachary, but his dad is Thomas too, so the son goes by Zach.
Now, fortunately, Zach, long-suffering as Thomas, realized the trap that was being set over and over throughout the generations, and named his own son Zachary — but, the wise lad that he is, Zachary is Zach’s son’s middle name, so there’s no confusion there. Fortunately, Owen Zachary won’t suffer the confusing fate of his father, his great uncle, or his great grandfather.
I’ve struggled my whole life fighting this naming convention, on forms and applications, and in person.
Person: “Sir, what’s your name?”
Me: “Michael.”
Person: “And, your middle name.”
Me: “Well, Michael’s my middle name, and David’s my first name, but I use my middle name.”
Person: “Okay, so we’ll put you down as David then.”
Me: “Arghghghghghghghgh!”
My problems started really early on, at least as far back as Kindergarten.
When the teacher would read the roll, or just call out names for whatever reason, she’d always call out David, or address me as David. However, I was rather shy as a kid, so I didn’t know how to correct my teachers. For the first week or so of each school year, Mom would pin a note to my shirt. (I don’t know if they still do this, but back then that’s often how parents and teachers communicated — by pinning messages onto the kid.)
And it would say this: He Goes By Mike.
It would sometimes require repeating, but after a while most teachers got it.
As I got older, I could do my own correcting, but this name situation did follow me around.
As I was nearing the time to apply for college, a lightbulb came on. I realized I had a chance to start over and get a fresh start. So I simply entered Michael, without the David, on all of my applications.
I took the SAT test as Michael.
Oh, things were coming together — when I got my SAT scores, they came in the mail to Michael.
Michael is beating the system! I was feeling good.
When I was accepted at the college I wanted, the letter I received read: Dear Michael.
I can still remember, some 50 years later, thinking that I’d broken the spell.
I was ecstatic.
Then at the end of the first semester of college, our grade transcripts were mailed to our homes.
When it arrived, mine came addressed to David Michael.
Again: Arghghghghghghghgh!
Not sure how that came about; perhaps they’d based my name on something they’d received from my high school.
In hindsight, if it bothered me so much (and it did, all the constant correcting), maybe I should have had my name changed legally to Michael David.
But I never did; I simply fought the good fight and kept correcting people.
Even in somewhat legal situations — going through airport TSA or showing a passport, for instance — I never had any problems when my official documents said David Michael and my ticket said Michael; of course, all my credit cards said Michael.
Then, a couple of years ago, I suppose because TSA rules changed or got tighter, I was stopped at U.S. Customs coming back from Mexico.
Agent: “Sir, your ticket says Michael, but your passport says David Michael.”
Me: (Oh shit, here we go again.) “Yes, I go by my middle name.”
Agent: “Sir, we’ll need you to wait over here and see my supervisor.”
Supervisor: “Mr. Werner, are you David or are you Michael? I see two different people here.”
Me: “Well, I’m both; I use my middle name.”
This went on for another few minutes, all the time I’m thinking… can it be that difficult? Is someone using their middle name that strange?
Supervisor: “Okay, sir, we’ll let you in this time, but you need to sync your passport and your tickets going forward, or else we won’t permit entry into the country.”
But the system was really wearing me down and I gave in, a little… from that point on, any time I was getting something ticketed, I’d use David as my name.
That small change seemed to keep me out of immediate trouble.
Until recently… I use a couple of different Miles Programs to get points towards free flights and other goodies.
Of course, my tickets were in the name of David, and my Miles Programs — which I’ve had forever — were in the name of Michael.
That caught up with me too, just last month: Mr. Werner, the agent said, we can’t give you credit because your mileage account says Michael and your ticket says David.
I then went through the process of changing all of my mileage programs from Michael to David; sounds easy, but it wasn’t.
I’ve always thought of myself as a fighter against The System, but I was becoming exhausted. Don Quixote tilting against the windmills.
And it’s all come to a head recently, as my credit cards all say Michael.
I’m currently in the process of changing those because my mileage programs can’t “see” me if my form of payment doesn’t match the mileage account.
But, I’m old and I’m tired. It’s been a good and long battle, but I give up.
The game is over and the final score, which should probably never have been in doubt, is:
System: 47 — David: 46.
Mind how you go out there.
Your friend,
David
