How Early Retirement Has Improved My Social Life
Things I’m doing now would have surprised my former self
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On a Sunday afternoon, I changed from comfortable loungewear into high heels, slacks, and a jacket, then drove to a nearby coffee shop.
After ordering a latte, I settled down at a table in a quiet corner. While keeping an eye on the door, I mentally rehearsed the questions I had prepared over the past few days. I was excited but also a bit nervous, as this would be my first time interviewing a congressional candidate.
At a recent gathering with my college classmates, one friend asked what it was like to be “retired.” She has been contemplating it but has yet to make up her mind. Her biggest worry is that she’ll become disconnected from the world.
This is of course a common concern. But for me, the opposite is true. The reason is obvious: I have more time.
When we work, we go to the office and interact with people daily. This provides a sense of connectedness, but it’s forced and superficial. When we form professional friendships, it’s hard to shake the feeling that we’re “networking.”
During the two decades I worked, I socialized mostly with friends from college and graduate school. The few friends I made from work — not to disparage my colleagues in high-tech — were similar in talent and identical in profession.
Theoretically, I could have participated in activities outside of work to make friends, but I had no energy left after managing a full-time job and raising a family.
When I decided to retire, I didn’t think it was essential to make new friends. I’m perfectly happy to live at a relaxed pace, satisfy my curiosity, and enjoy life.
However, as an introvert who values solitude, I know I need to make a conscious effort to go out. I set a goal to socialize a certain number of times and volunteered with several non-profit organizations.
As it turned out, volunteering is a great way to meet people. And these people are truly remarkable. They come from all walks of life — educators, lawyers, scientists — and tend to be extroverted (not that there’s anything wrong with introverts), civic-minded, and idealistic.
One good friend I made was the first Asian-American city council member, and first non-white mayor, of my town. As a barrier breaker, she was well-known in the community. But she is modest and unassuming. I’m thrilled to have a person who is so upright, hard-working, and generous with encouragement in my life.
Writing is an even more effective way to make friends, as it reaches more people. I write to clarify my thoughts and satisfy a creative urge. But in addition to enriching my inner world, it has expanded my social circle.
I write in both Chinese and English. Gradually, I’ve felt that my writing has transformed my life. Much of this comes from my Chinese blog, where I have a larger audience. People began reaching out to me, and some of them were likable and interesting. Before long, I made friends with artists, activists, movie producers, politicians, and gallery owners.
I met the congressional candidate at a couple of events. When I proposed introducing him to my audience, he was receptive to the idea. After a good friend — someone the candidate trusts — put in a positive word about my channel, the opportunity was secured.
This was just one of many interesting encounters in my retired life. I’ve spoken with a few political candidates due to my interest in civics. I’ve turned down even more requests (I seem to have developed a bit of a reputation) because I don’t feel I know the candidates well enough.
A few months ago, I attended a red carpet gala for a new movie. At the check-in line, a young and apparently inexperienced receptionist found my name on the guest list and remarked, “Oh, you are a special guest. What do you do?”
What do I do? I hesitated. I don’t “do” anything, because I don’t have a job. But I knew I was there because of my movie reviews. So I told her, “I’m a critic.”
My life is wonderful this way. Pleasant surprises pop up from time to time. I’m no longer defined by one label. The other day I received a package from Penguin Random House containing a newly published book. The reason, I guess, is that I chair a book club.
The world outside of one’s profession is far bigger than that within. When you are liberated from a career, you are free to explore it all. The billions of people populating the world contribute to its richness and vastness. With more time on my hands and by staying engaged, I have the chance to meet a unique sample.
This is me, who prefers to stay at home with books. If you’re more ambitious and outgoing, I’m sure your accomplishment will be far more impressive.
My conversation with the potential future congressman went well, and the profile I wrote reached him as soon as it was posted on my blog. At a campaign event, we marveled at the lightning speed at which information spreads in this age and agreed to meet again for a more in-depth conversation once the campaign was over.
BTW, he didn’t win the election — another disappointment in this election cycle — despite the small publicity I brought him. But I believe we’ll talk again. Moreover, I expect to meet more people like him. That seems to be the pattern of my early retirement life.
