How I Survived Chilblains
And lived to tell the tale
My toes look weird, red and swollen, and they itch like crazy. I’ve never experienced anything like it.
One friend suggested Athlete’s foot, but I haven’t been to the gym in like, ever. My sister thought maybe shingles. “Some people get shingles after surgery,” which I’d had recently. It doesn’t hurt that badly, and it hasn’t crept up the sides of my body.
Covid toes? Maybe, but I’ve never had Covid. Honestly, I thought it was an allergic reaction to nail polish, but once removed, the blisters didn’t go away.
After consulting with my doctor, and by “consulting with my doctor” I mean a brief Google search, I believe I have something called chilblains. The Mayo Clinic tells me the cause isn’t really known but expected to be due to exposure to cold, damp air. (Source) Then something about the blood vessels reacting once the victim is reheated, like cannibal leftovers.
It makes sense. Los Angeles has been particularly cold and wet lately. I realize cold is relative. In many parts of the country, temps in the 40s and 50s indicate t-shirt weather, but for this Angeleno, it’s the “coldest winter in recorded history.” (It isn’t.)
Making things worse, natural gas prices have skyrocketed, so in an effort to “screw the man,” I haven’t been running my heater. I am also convinced I’m allergic to whatever toxins are forced through the vents, so heat this year is limited to a small space heater I carry from room to room like Linus with his blanket.
Regardless, I don’t want it, the chilblains. And not because it’s life threatening, it isn’t, or because it’s unsightly, it is, but because it sounds like something an older person would get. (Actually, it isn’t, but since I’m not familiar with it, I classify it as such. That and the fact it might be exacerbated by poor circulation.)
I’ve never heard of a TikTok star hit a million with her frank discussion of chilblains. Not that I’m on TikTok. Or a singer having to stop his tour because he fell off the stage due to his chilblains. Or the Marvel movie “expected to resume production as soon as the female lead recovers from chilblains.”
It’s not in the public consciousness, or trending on Reddit. Hailey Bieber wasn’t recently diagnosed, therefore it must be reserved for the older set.
I’d rather have frostbite, its distant cousin. At least that would signal adventure, extreme sport. My friends would gather ‘round, “I didn’t know you went to Everest. Are you going to lose any digits?” I’d nod noncommittally and limp away before having to admit it’s only chilblains.
Which I got because I’m too cheap to turn on my heater. Now that’s an older person tell. I remember my dad would click off the heat at night and then in the morning I could see my breath while getting ready for school. Gee, Your Icicles Smell Terrific.
I don’t think he wanted to stick it to the man. He was the man. But he definitely tried to save a few bucks by freezing his children to death.
I read somewhere that doctors can determine if an older person is able to take care of themselves by examining their feet and toes. They’ll inspect the gnarled appendages, making hmm-type sounds before sending Nana off to assisted living. Mom was onto something with her perfect pedicures, as she and my father lived independently well into their eighties.
I didn’t particularly like my father, too authoritarian, but I did inherit a few good things from him, like low blood pressure and (generally) good health. Another reason I think the chilblains are jarring. Anything is jarring, age related or otherwise.
I hardly ever get sick, but when I do, there’s one of two reactions. I downplay it. Hang out until it passes. Or let it escalate (in my head) until it’s full blown whatever, like the time I had cancer of the ball of the foot.
With the chilblains, I think it was ultimately a downplay, which was probably the right call since it seems to be going away. As far as what it signifies, rather than a stark reminder of my aging self and subsequent imminent demise, more than likely I shouldn’t have taken out the trash wearing flip-flops on a rainy winter day. Kylie Jenner wouldn’t have, and she has gorgeous feet.
