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How To Cope With Losing a Spouse
And no, it’s not what you think
While we know it’ll be no picnic, nothing prepares you for losing your spouse or partner. Despite having lost my father and both maternal grandparents at 20 and too many close friends in the last few decades, this grief is on another dimension. I’d had a brief reminder a few months before my husband’s diagnosis when our dog died two years ago. Yes, it was “just a dog”, but there was definitely grief and the accompanying pain. I remember thinking, “Ah yes, it’s been a while”, and acknowledging the process, knowing I’d feel better the following week. (I still miss her, though.)
When you lose a spouse, you lose “your person” - the one you chose, the one who chose you, the one who has your back, the one you text about your latest gaffe (in my case), and the one (again, in my case) you ask to reach for things off the top shelf. To indirectly quote The Widow’s Handbook, you lose your past, present, and future, if only temporarily.
The real blindsider for me wasn’t even all of the above because I suspected it would be as bad as it is. The surprise was that despite my husband’s meticulous planning, I was still besieged by administrative SNAFUs that made me dread getting up in the morning almost as much as his absence did. Opening up my laptop made my stomach churn. Most of the problems were…
