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I Want to Blow This Monster Up

My job is too much but I only have myself to blame

Laura DeMaisBerg
Crow’s Feet: Life As We Age
4 min readDec 14, 2024

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Illustration by Maurice Sendak from the book Where the Wild Things Are. Image is in the public domain.

I’ve created a monster. I’ve said “yes” too many times. I’ve had too many community meetings resulting in an unmanageable number of wonderful connections. I’ve believed too fiercely in my abilities to create change and growth. And I’ve told myself that I could do it without help.

And now there’s a monster that follows me everywhere I go. He’s big and hairy. He smells like rotten cheese and has fangs, slime-soaked whiskers. and a fat, bristly tail. He’s strong and powerful and reckless with his movements. I’m constantly moving at a speed-walking pace just to stay out of his grasp.

I’m running away from the monster, but what I really want to do is turn on my heels, raise my arms up like Max in Where the Wild Things Are, and stand up to the monster. I want to blow this monster up. I want to make sure he disappears and never comes back to haunt me.

The monster is my job. I’ve had this job for a little over a year and have loved it. I’ve been able to learn and build and create. I’ve met wonderful people and learned about multiple systems. And now, because I’ve loved it too much and too hard and believed that, with enough chutzpah, I could do anything, I’m running from this monster of my own creation. And I’m desperate to find a way out.

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Crow’s Feet: Life As We Age
Crow’s Feet: Life As We Age

Published in Crow’s Feet: Life As We Age

“The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.” (Frank Lloyd Wright) Non-fiction pieces, personal essays and occasional poems that explore how we feel about how we age and offer tips for getting the most out of life.

Laura DeMaisBerg
Laura DeMaisBerg

Written by Laura DeMaisBerg

I write about seemingly mundane experiences that are relatable because we are human. Subscribe on Substack to get my stories directly: lauramc.sub-stack.com

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