I’m Too Old to Read Suspense Thrillers
Why do we need blood-spurting, misogynistic, almost pornographic novels in which every character is beautiful and young?
A colleague recently asked me to read and review her recent novel. I think it’s crucial for authors to help other authors, so I was happy to comply. Then I read a chapter. It was the first book in a suspense-thriller series, and described behavior so repulsive that my heart raced. I felt sick, and I had to take a Xanax to get to sleep.
It reminded me of the time I killed a rattlesnake — the shuddering fear, the revulsion. It happened in Texas.In chapter one, the serial killer kidnaps, tortures, and murders his young victim. Then he follows up with an act so horrendous, I’ll have nightmares for the rest of my life. I can’t even say it out loud. Why are sex and death so intertwined in this genre?
I love the kinds of mysteries that are challenging, filled with twists and turns, and ultimately solved by either a brilliant detective or the owner of a local business. I especially like when the protagonist is a woman, of any age, who must solve the crime before someone that she loves becomes the next victim. If blood is mentioned in my kind of mystery, it’s spilled on an antiquated rug that didn’t match the new furniture, anyway.
If sex comes up, it’s about a sultry night and the heady scent of orange blossoms. Maybe there’s a chocolate cake, and the lovers feed pieces to each other, lapping up the dropped crumbs with their tongues. A tango plays in the background.
I don’t enjoy when the characters are a little too good-looking and are either thinking about screwing or engaged in the act. Every movement of mouth, limbs, and other extremities is described in nauseating detail. And none of the characters are a little faded, with thinner hair or sagging necks. In what world is everyone muscular, fabulous, and clear-skinned?
I also wonder why so many readers of suspense enjoy being profoundly disturbed by constant displays of hideous, malevolent behavior. If you want to get sick to your stomach, watch scenes of the massacre of innocent civilians taking place in Ukraine. Or turn on local news — nearly every week you can have your fill of overdoses, accidents, murder, and a devastating pandemic.
Why should there be messiness and pain in a pretend world when there’s enough of it happening in the real world? I’m voting no.
This is all to say… please don’t ask me to read or review your scary suspense thriller. And pass me a piece of chocolate cake.
