Medicare Wellness Questionnaire
Annual test of my cognitive function
What is your race?
Well, certainly not the 5k! On a good day I can beat
the pants off one of those little guys that almost gets killed
crossing the road. You know the one, what’s it called, the one
with the hard shell on its back? Oh, yeah, a turtle.
So, Turtle race.
Do you need help with any of the following?
Bathing — No, but I could use a hand washing my back. Preferably
a strong hand attached to a muscular arm on a 6’2” good-
looking guy. Not too young. Wouldn’t want to be called a
cougar. Oh, and I could use help getting out of the tub.
Wink, wink.
Eating — Do I look like I need help eating?
Can you travel alone or drive your own car?
Sure, but my family calls the police as soon as I’m out of the
driveway. And I’ll be damned if I’ll ride in that red, white,
and blue van that says “Over the Hill” on its side.
Can you do your own housework without help?
