Member-only story
BATTLE OF THE AGES
Old Moms vs. Young Moms
Geriatric benefits
When I first became pregnant, the obstetrician, Doctor Schlomberg, set me up with an ultrasound and a subscription to AARP.
She referred to my pregnancy as geriatric. After gently patting the radiation jelly off my aging belly, Dr. Schlomberg sent me on my way with an ornate wooden walking cane and an osteovitamin prescription.
After I gave birth, the on-duty Exit nurse handed me a folder filled with pamphlets on breastfeeding, minimizing stretch marks, softening age spots, and recommendations for retirement facilities with adjacent elementary schools.
While I strolled with my new baby in the park, an exhausted, disheveled younger mom in a hearty youthful blond ponytail ran up to me and screamed, “Your daughter is so lucky. My mom lives in California.”
The older moms in our mom group attempted to commiserate with me. I didn’t want to be included in the old mom group. They were old. They discussed age-appropriate haircuts. They whined they couldn’t drop pregnancy weight as fast as the young moms who had already returned to their extreme core hot yoga classes and bikini bods. The old moms wanted to talk about their aching knees and perimenopausal bellies.
