Writing Prompt #90
Planning Patiently Shapes the Future but the Unexpected Colors It
Plans should leave room for pleasure
Making Long-Term Plans
When I was a teenager, I planned to marry and have five sons. At that age, I never considered that fervently hoping to find the man of my dreams was not good enough. A plan does not materialize from wishing only. I learned to decide on my goal and determine each step required to achieve it. Without preparation and persistence in moving up each step, the goal would have seemed overwhelming.
Planning involves Work
During my final examination for nurse registration, I had to demonstrate the ability to manage the care of a group of patients. My success was the result of training for three years and lots of practice.
However, later in my career in health promotion, my plans for patient care broadened to foster trust, competence, and mutual respect. My professional relationship with a client was meant to last years, sometimes decades.
To be successful with my new approach at work, I had to modify my behavior and deprive myself of an extra glass of wine. One of my colleagues was a wine connoisseur. Whenever, he received a new batch of wine, he or his wife collected me from home to sample the shipment. After a pleasant evening, I’d leave by taxi.
One night, not tipsy but animated, I hopped into a taxi and discovered that I did know my taxi driver. He was a former client who had changed jobs. We passed time talking about his family. However, two weeks later, he and his family became my clients once more. Although, I was not drunk in his cab, I never used taxis again. I drank below the legal limit to allow me to drive safely home. Maintaining trust was essential and I could not risk destroying it.
My plan of developing and maintaining a professional relationship succeeded. My clients knew I would keep their confidence and they respected my boundaries. They trusted my expertise and willingness to help them, even when off-duty. When two clients phoned me at home, it was gratifying that I had gained their trust because each client required hospitalization. One had urgent life-saving surgery. In highly unusual circumstances, the relationship I had fostered had saved at least one life.
Life is unpredictable
Some of my colleagues who nursed those recently discharged from hospital and the chronically ill had an unforgettable experience one Saturday evening. After a successful bachelorette party, they left the club at 2a.m.
Unfortunately, they were photographed by a national TV crew. They chose that night to shoot a documentary on the rising rates of alcoholism in our conservative seaside town. Imagine the nurses’ reaction when they saw themselves on national television on a street of drunken people.
I empathized with them but felt relief. Two weeks earlier, another health educator and I went to that club for a client’s wedding. Despite taking care of one’s reputation, it can be easily affected by unforeseen events.
Planning for home ownership
Buying my first house required persistence and hard work. After working two jobs in two cities seven days a week for five years, I received the keys to my own home. I have no regrets for working so hard to achieve home ownership in the 8o’s. It was worth it.
Once I bought my house, my only long-term plan was to create a welcoming space, not just for me but for friends and visitors all over the world. During a week of Easter activities organized by several churches, I hosted an international tea at home as I already knew folks from diverse cultures.
Having space enabled me to have guests for weeks or even months. They have immeasurably enriched my life.
A plan for a rewarding Life
When I was in my mid-40s, I rejected the stereotype of the lonely, eccentric spinster. Therapy and faith helped me identify the type of life I needed to achieve to enjoy a rewarding life.
I wanted to be the best at my job even if it meant branching out into research and more graduate work. I knew it would involve more lecturing and sitting on a national committee. It also meant balancing the additional work with a demanding case-load, but I wanted to utilize all my gifts. I felt I was doing God’s work.
In addition to keeping up with professional courses, I participated in the language and craft courses from the local community college.
An active church life increased my spirituality. I was very fortunate to have a pastor and structure that treated me as a valued family member.
My work and church life was busy so I scheduled days off to paint, to knit, or visit an exhibition to recharge my batteries.
Professional challenge, continuing education, social involvement and acquiring new skills or hobbies constituted my special mixture. Over time, I got the right balance between public and private, secular and religious, exciting activities and quiet retreats. This mix led me on an exciting and fulfilling journey to a rewarding life.
Now retired, the adapted plan still works! While I miss the stimulation of critical decision making, I’m surprised to find that I’m relieved. This reassures me that when I can no lon ger enjoy an activity, I’ll adjust to its loss. Hopefully, this attitude will continue to serve me until I no longer care.
Modifying the Plan
I plan to acquire new skills or interests and maintain engagement within my community. I also want to stay in my own home but my mind, body and home need increasing maintenance as I age.
Being proactive in my health care has been an important element of my long-term planning. In addition to the routine visits to the primary physician and their specialists, I rely on a diverse group of professionals including an ophthalmologist, audiologists, periodontists and fitness instructor.
Since Covid, my life has been emptied of dozens of folks who shared it. Despite the rich memories, their loss has left me feeling vulnerable. My financial affairs are in order, and my executor knows the contents of my Living Will. A detailed outline of my memorial service is already written for her convenience.
Over the last 25 years, the use of assistive technology by older people have greatly increased, especially in those over 80. Exploiting technology to promote our comfort and safety is an easy decision. Whenever something needs replacing, I think of the future e.g. when the bathtub leaked, I installed a walk-in shower. Gradually, my home is becoming aging friendlier.
After four years of continuous home repairs, I’ve decided to move closer to family. In addition to the props for aging I already have; I will continue to utilize technology to maintain independent living. Fortunately, assistive devices continue to improve. According to the National Council on Aging, in 2022, there are 57.8 million adults over 65 years, so there is a growing market that should encourage innovation.
Nursing homes were suffering from a staff shortage, even before the Covid epidemic. While there are conflicting reports on intergenerational proximity, there is an increasing number of childless elderly people who might have no choice but to age at home. It is important that I exploit technology to remain comfortable, safe and independent.
I envisage an old lady in her 90s turning her lights and television by her voice. Alexa is playing: “I left my heart in Georgia” while a robot keeps her floors spotless. The oven buzzes when the meal is ready. The button around her neck will alert when she falls and the indoor cameras will indicate what help is needed.
Transitional Activities
There is a stage in life when long-term planning is an exercise of optimism or self-deception. My grandfather planted coconut trees for us. He did not mind being dead when they matured. Unlike him, I want to see the fruits of my labour and maybe eat them.
In contrast to my previous strategies, my plan for the afterlife is not as defined. I belief that there is a different life after death. My faith dictates I should live my life loving God by serving others. As I approach the last decade or so, my enjoyment of people, events and nature has intensified.
Last year, I phoned a very good friend and mentor who had difficulty speaking. As we were speaking, I tried to assure her of her place in my heart, knowing she might not remember.
A few months later, when I called, she was no longer at home, and I will never speak to her again. Paradoxically, savoring that moment has helped me to move forward and meditate on letting go with grace. I think of the beauty of trees as their leaves fall. This normalizes the fading of friends and faculties and encourages me to seek its beauty.
To keep me on track, I daily prioritize contemplative and other spiritual practices to incorporate these six activities:
- Express gratitude for at least one thing.
- Avoid the toxins of negativity, arrogance and victimhood.
- Remember the lives of the elderly people I admired and imitate them.
- Avoid copying the behavior of my peers.
- Respect the young and learn from them when possible
- Keep informed about new technology and utilize when possible
Some days my chronic impatience might derail me but there is always another day to try again. This winter season is better that I could have imagined as a youngster. The chorus of the evensong of life is ‘Thankfulness”. Now, I’ve already lived longer than both grandmothers! I didn’t plan that.
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