Member-only story
Crow’s Feet Writing Prompt #59
Take the Right Steps Now for the Best End-of-Life Care
No one can know your wishes if you don’t express them.
I felt like I could die at any moment.
Sitting on an uncomfortable molded chair at the Honolulu airport, I waited for my flight home to a neighboring island. The quick day trip to finally meet my allergist couldn’t be canceled.
Chest pain had taken me down a few months earlier, initiated by a co-occurring fire ant bite and smoke alarm blast just before dawn. I needed an Epi-Pen (epinephrine autoinjector)—the sharp needle-tipped device used as an emergency treatment for anaphylaxis.
I looked suspiciously at anyone who came near. They may have it. How could I know?
It was early COVID-19 days, before lockdowns and mask mandates. Still, people—even ones much younger than I, were being put on ventilators left and right. I looked at the extra ten pounds around my belly and could only think, “Another risk factor.”
The possibility of catching the new virus had caused me to tighten in terror. But I felt clear on one point. I sure as hell didn’t want to be put on a ventilator.
Thus began my end-of-life preparations.
It’s easy to put off an Advanced Health Care Directive.
The next day, I rifled through my stack of “to be dealt with later” papers, which had sat in an untouched tray for over a year. Soon enough, I found the blank Advanced Health Care Directive, grabbed a pen that contained archival ink, and completed the form.
The main questions asked for “yes” or “no” answers. But I made sure to add, “Do not intubate. Do not resuscitate.”
According to a Bloomberg article published early during the pandemic, only 20–33% of COVID-19 patients on ventilators survived. This 2020 NPR article confirmed that number but suggested the survival rate might be as high as 50%.
The physical and emotional trauma of intubation seemed unbearable to me, especially if the odds meant I’d likely die anyway. Intubation for COVID-19 can also damage you physically and cognitively due to the…
