The Best Version of Ourselves
There is a quote by TS Eliot that I often return to:
“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.”
Today as I went searching for this I found another five lines and I laughed. Here in five lines is everything I am about to say in many more lines, and the mere existence of these five lines proves the point of this article.
That is: we already have within us everything we need to be the best version of ourselves.
‘Through the unknown, remembered gate.
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall”
Allow me to explain. I have for some forty years now studied spiritual Teachings. They are as wide-ranging as they are beautiful and the source impeccable and, sadly, no longer with us.
I have through my spiritual engagements, endless struggles with my disbelief and almost primal fear, implanted in childhood, come to realise how simple the message has been all along.
Accept that you are Loved.
Five words, one incorrectly capitalised you might think, that are the nub.
‘The voice of the hidden waterfall’ in Eliot’s words, that for me comes from Spirit. Spirit as in the unseen world and invisible energy, not vodka, and spiritual Love which is universal, unconditional, and freely given.
Five words that sum up countless volumes of literature, cut through hours of searching, self-flagellation, rituals, cleansing, and denial.
However, my journey points to a different story; how difficult it is to accept that simple truth. That you do not have to be anything more than you are to be loveable, not just by other people, but to know you are Loved at a deep level.
We have over countless generations made love subconsciously conditional, through our expectations of one another, and by creating institutions that reflect our ingrained belief that love has to be earned.
That it can be endowed or withheld, and that we have to make ourselves ready in some way.
But what if there is a part within every one of us that is ready, that knows it is Loved because it still abides in the Realm of Love while it also resides in us?
A Light, a memory, a soul, that waits for us to pass through the gate and remember?
Is that the gate Eliot is mentioning? Possibly, it is in each of us, and I would say that gate is belief.
Language is always a poor substitute for feeling this Light because no words can truly capture its uniqueness and its ubiquitousness.
It fills us all equally and yet is entirely intimate. It is no wonder that over the eons the pursuit of faith has filled many volumes because it is so full of paradoxes and yet, the simple flow of inner peace is unmistakable.
It is like sitting underneath Eliot’s waterfall and drinking our fill. We are all thirsty sometimes, we all feel that life is a struggle, yet how often do we take the time to remind ourselves we are Loved for who we are, not what we do?
I would venture rarely, if at all.
For me, that process is spiritual journalling and it began in earnest three years ago in lockdown. I meditate each morning and then sit with an empty tablet screen in front of me and allow my thoughts to flow.
I capture this as a dialogue and have named the voice of my waterfall, ‘The Librarian’.
The name does not matter, it is the fact that deciding to pursue this exercise, wherever it took me, has opened doors to inner perception and personal compassion.
This has not ‘made me a better person’ but has awoken me to the soul within me. I no longer have to defend, hide, or feel ashamed, all of which were consequences of my struggling to be something ‘other’, ‘acceptable’, ‘loveable’.
I am contented just to be because I feel the Love and I know it has journeyed with me every step of the way.
My failures have brought me here, much more than my successes.
My surrender has accomplished more than all my efforts.
My enemies have taught me as much as the loyalty of my friends and the love of my family.
My dark night of the soul was lengthy, but it has been my saviour because it brought me here, to a clean sheet of paper each day and a belief that if I hold up an empty cup it will be filled with Light.
So as a weary traveller who has just put down the heavy suitcase of teachings, expectations, and failures that she hauled behind her most of her adult life, I can honestly say that I realise they all were saying:
‘Accept that you are Loved’.
Once you truly accept that, then effortlessly self-love, love of others and our planet, compassion, and hope will flow and as you fill with Light so will those around you.
Or, as Eliot puts it, to know the place we started from for the first time and we all started from, and will return to Love.
© ZD Finn 2023
Finn runs a healing and meditation practice in London, publishes her own inspired journals, and offers mentoring to those seeking to strengthen their own soul connection.
If you wish to know more, I have written several articles on spiritual journalling, which are on Medium. I have also created a Lexicon to explain some of the terminology I use.
Q&A If you have any questions on this, or anything else I have written, please comment or email me via zdfinn.com and I will do my best to answer.
