The Fear of Losing My Independence
The movie “Thelma” brought up that scary predicament
About 20 years ago, I worked as a dog walker. One of my clients was a couple who had a Labrador Retriever that I walked around noon daily.
The client’s father had recently moved in with them, so I didn’t have to let myself in with their key. I would have lovely conversations with the man who had worked for the railroad until his retirement.
One day, not thinking that anyone was at home, I let myself in. There was my client’s father on the floor in the dining room. He had fallen and couldn’t get up. After I got him up and made sure he was okay, he begged me not to tell his daughter.
I thought about it, and maybe it wasn’t my best judgment, but I didn’t tell her. I could see in this man’s eyes that he didn’t want to lose any more independence.
Even though I was in my 50s I understood where he was coming from. Soon afterward, I stopped dog walking and never saw the man again.
Today, my husband, Eric, and I went to the movies to cool off. It wasn’t that important what we would see as long as they had air conditioning and popcorn. The movie, Thelma made me think of that old man again.
Now, I am pretty close to the age he was, and the talk about Thelma losing her independence got me to fear that it could someday be me.
Will, my daughter think I am too old to live on my own? Will I fall and not be able to get back up?
To tell you the truth, I rather die than lose my independence. I know my husband feels the same way, too. Probably, some of you might feel this way also.
Scenes in Thelma of people in a nursing home setting made my husband and I look at each other and say, “Shoot me before this happens.”
Then I thought of someone who didn’t live independently but lived as if he had all the freedom in the world.
A lot of you remember James Frank Sanders, who wrote on Medium. James died last year and his son notified me of his death. I believe he was 96 years old when he passed. He lived in an assisted living facility but made the most of it.
If I have to go into one of those homes, I sure hope I would have his attitude. He never lost his sense of independence up until a month before he died of complications from COVID-19.
Below is a book he wrote that I bought on Amazon a couple of years ago. I have since given it to my sister, and I can’t find it on Amazon any longer.
It was a great book to read. He spoke about his daily walks, the dining hall, all the personalities there, and the transportation he used to get around. He even gave advice on how to pick the best facility for yourself.
James wrote on Medium and I never missed an article of his. He was so full of life. He would write about starting a poker game where he lived, his girlfriend, and wonderful tidbits on how to stay healthy.
One of his articles told me how much water to drink a day because, as we age, we need more to have our organs work correctly. I took his advice.
He was quirky, just like the rest of us (or at least like me). He didn’t like lending his books to people, but when he did, he wanted them back, or else he would ask the borrower for his book. I laughed when I read this.
I don’t know if his son made him go into assisted living or if he did it on his own. He never spoke about that. He was too busy living.
If I go into an assisted living, let me be like James and not lose my freedom in a place that says I might have to.
For now, I am grateful for the life I have — a warm home with central air-conditioning, my loving husband Eric, and my two dogs.
Any fears about my future are ridiculous to fret about. Just living each day to the fullest should be my mantra.
Spoiler alert! In the movie, Thelma, the 94-year-old lady gets to stay in her home.
A happy ending, indeed.
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