The Real Reasons Seniors Don’t Have Sex

Mary McGrath
Crow’s Feet
Published in
2 min readMar 2, 2022


Some of them may surprise you!

Photo by Mary McGrath

Sex isn’t something that’s discussed openly among my senior friends. Is it considered taboo? Who knows?

I know my libido isn’t as high as it used to be. When I was young, I thought about sex all the time. Now I have other things on my mind, like where did I put my glasses? Is there ice cream in the refrigerator? Is today Wednesday or Sunday?

But I think there are many other reasons seniors don’t have sex. Here are a few of my thoughts.

If I get too excited, I might pee in the bed.

What’s that funky smell? Is it you or the dog?

Believe me, I look a lot better if I just keep my bra on.

Maybe you should’ve clipped your toenails before you got into bed.

Is that the vibrator or the electric toothbrush?

Maybe I should take my teeth out first. Otherwise, they might fall out of my mouth.

Did you put on some soft romantic music? Let me turn up my hearing aids so I can hear it.

I lost the key to the handcuffs.

What’s that position? I’ll have to go to the chiropractor if I try it.



Mary McGrath
Crow’s Feet

Top writer in humor, short stories, writing, advice and poetry. She’s written for Newsweek, Wall St. Journal, Good Housekeeping, and Chicken Soup for the Soul.