The Real Reasons Seniors Don’t Have Sex

Mary McGrath
Crow’s Feet
Published in
2 min readMar 2, 2022

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Some of them may surprise you!

Photo by Mary McGrath

Sex isn’t something that’s discussed openly among my senior friends. Is it considered taboo? Who knows?

I know my libido isn’t as high as it used to be. When I was young, I thought about sex all the time. Now I have other things on my mind, like where did I put my glasses? Is there ice cream in the refrigerator? Is today Wednesday or Sunday?

But I think there are many other reasons seniors don’t have sex. Here are a few of my thoughts.

If I get too excited, I might pee in the bed.

What’s that funky smell? Is it you or the dog?

Believe me, I look a lot better if I just keep my bra on.

Maybe you should’ve clipped your toenails before you got into bed.

Is that the vibrator or the electric toothbrush?

Maybe I should take my teeth out first. Otherwise, they might fall out of my mouth.

Did you put on some soft romantic music? Let me turn up my hearing aids so I can hear it.

I lost the key to the handcuffs.

What’s that position? I’ll have to go to the chiropractor if I try it.

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Mary McGrath
Crow’s Feet

Top writer in humor, short stories, writing, advice and poetry. She’s written for Newsweek, Wall St. Journal, Good Housekeeping, and Chicken Soup for the Soul.