The Soulful Gardener
I made a small choice from limited options, rational in one way but intuitive in another.
The early morning, after my early meditation, is my writing time. Here in the UK, we are mid-heatwave, and I am one of those people who, like Goldilocks, wants her weather, “just right”. Although I sigh as I think of how impossible that sounds, I still humph around. So this morning, rather than writing, I decided the cool of the morning meant I should prioritise some work in the garden.
As I pruned away dead ivy, I realised I was acting out what I was thinking about; how we seem to act with little or no thought and realise what we have done in retrospect.
I know we live life forwards and understand it backwards, but that has seemed clearer to me in the bigger life events. Even then, I rationalise that it’s just making the best of things.
This morning was the same dynamic, I made a small choice from limited options, rational in one way but intuitive in another.
Perhaps my inner voice whispered, “You want to write about how you are both a responder and an initiator while in life, well, here’s an example. Take your time to reflect on the small things and the bigger things will come into focus”.
For example, taking advantage of the first lockdown by retiring, I felt reluctant at the time. I was approaching seventy and could not work online as my work was too interactional.
So, the rational part of me decided, “I can’t work this way, I’ll come back when life returns to normal”. The intuitive part whispered, “Great, about time, let’s use your remaining years creatively. Oh! And by the way, this is your new normal”.
This morning’s choice would go unnoticed most days. My inner space created during meditation had got jangled up by my feelings of non-specific dissatisfaction. I was musing around looking for a topic.
So, I distracted myself by cutting away dead leaves and in doing so, created not just an outer clearing but an inner one too, by giving my thoughts the elbow room they needed.
This reminded me of a statement my spiritual teacher once made, “Thought follows action”, and several people questioned him, assuming he had got it the wrong way around. Indeed, I have just mistyped it the other way, the accepted way, round.
But, no, he explained, all action has already taken place in Spirit. It is just mankind who reflects upon it when they are ready.
Maybe he was right, whether I retired by accident, my soul’s design, or malevolent forces, makes no difference. The space created – once every kitchen cupboard had been cleaned – was for my soul to soar into life through spiritual journalling, and it has been transformative.
In many ways, I am years younger than when I retired. A new lease of life has opened internally because my professional persona no longer defines me.
Don’t get me wrong, nakedness, even metaphoric, at seventy-plus is not easy. There are a few chill winds to navigate and you cannot always feel your feet.
But for me, losing the multiple cloaks of roles and identities uncovered something of greater value, that quiet inner voice filled with life experience.
An energy that worked through intuition and conscience, a voice that waited so patiently for the dead branches and leaves to be cleared away and the light to flood in, and took no time in sprouting forth new shoots.
© ZD Finn 2023
Finn runs a healing and meditation practice in London, publishes her own inspired journals, and offers mentoring to those seeking to strengthen their own soul connection.
There are more articles on spiritual journalling on @zdfinn on Medium.
