Validating Myself
Finally learning to look within for approval
I have spent my entire life looking for validation and approval from others. And it has never felt like enough. I have never felt like enough.
Now, as an elder, I am finally able to see more clearly what I need. What I needed most of all. The whole time.
I could go into childhood issues at this point to try and explain and better understand where this issue came from for me, and I have explored this in depth. It was helpful to begin to put the pieces together in the puzzle of who I am.
But childhood is long gone. So are adolescence, middle adulthood, and the feeling that there was so much more time to work on all of this.
I am older now. And I don’t want to spend any more time looking outside of myself for validation.
Although I appreciate support and love from my friends, the deepest support and love that I need is from my own self, as well as my Higher Self, Spirit, God/Goddess Within and Without.
So here I am. Faults, challenges, blind spots, triggers, fears, anxieties, depression, lumps and bumps, eternal comparison to others, and oh so many more challenges.
These parts of me seem to be hard wired. They’re not going away, but their power has greatly diminished. Including the power of the external shaming, critical voices that I mistakenly adopted and internalized as parts of myself. Thank God I never finalized that adoption.
I can embrace these parts of me and understand that they have served a purpose for me. I learned certain beliefs and behaviors to try and cope and to feel safer in the world. Now it’s time to let go.
It’s time to softly and gently tell those parts of me that I understand why they are there. What they have tried to help me with. And that they can rest. I’ve got this now.
What a liberating feeling to realize that I can let go of attacking myself and trying to hide these flawed parts of me, even though I am not, nor ever will be, anything close to perfect. I am ever so human. Ever so flawed.
I no longer have to berate myself with these flaws as proof of my unworthiness. I no longer have to beat myself up in hopes that I will be better. You cannot beat someone into perfection, because perfection does not exist.
I claim all these parts of me. And I am doing my best to love myself, including these less than pretty parts.
These parts are what make me human, what help me to understand the humanity of all those around me.
You’re too sensitive, I am told. My new response : You say that like it’s a bad thing.
You’re too quiet. There is much power is in my quiet presence.
You’re old and finished. I’m not dead yet and have much to offer, to those that can see.
You’re too emotional. I am so grateful for all my emotions. How sad it would be to not have those passionate, colorful, alive parts of me.
Your art is not good enough. You are an amateur. Yes, I am an amateur. And I still have the right to express myself and paint.
Your writing is not good enough. Who do you think you are, writing about your feelings? I am a human being, traveling this life journey and path of aging, my feelings are valid and I have the right to express them. As a matter of fact, others may even be able to relate to some of them and find some comfort there, perhaps feel a bit less alone in their own travels.
You’re out of shape and overweight. True. But that does not mean that I need to hide or hate myself. I can keep working on those things. I still get to have my life right now. I get to like how I look right now.
You don’t know how to keep a partner. I have had some wonderful relationships that I will always be grateful for. And I needed to let them go. I am open to new potential relationships, should that happen. But, the best partner that I now have is myself. Finally. That relationship has to come first. And it is enough. I am enough.
You have hurt others in your life and have much to regret. Yes, I have hurt others, unintentionally. But yes, I did. And I am sorry for that. And I keep trying to do better each day. I get to forgive myself for my past. And I get to move on. Do better.Keep learning. Keep on living. Here and now.
You shouldn’t submit this piece. Watch me.
