What I’ve Learned At 65

With age comes wisdom…..sort of

David Martin
Crow’s Feet

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Photo by Maria Lupan on Unsplash

Here are just a few of the things I’ve learned since turning 65:

I miss my old job like I miss the flu.

I envy the strength of a teenage male’s urine flow rather than his sexual prowess.

You can live on less than you thought.

Why use a harsh word when a threat of legal action will do?

When you’re retired, you’ve got all the time in the world to deal with customer service reps.

Love like you’ve been hurt, sing only under protest and don’t dance regardless of who’s watching particularly if you don’t want to throw your back out.

A smile takes four muscles whereas a frown takes sixteen but a cold shoulder uses none.

The senior’s discount doesn’t apply to sale items.

A pleasure trip is an oxymoron.

Kittens, puppies and babies all make messes.

Watching football on TV is a lot cheaper than going to the game.

By the time you’re 65, doctors will have probed every orifice in your body no matter how small or remote.

It’s surprising how many medical procedures end in “-oscopy.”

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David Martin
Crow’s Feet

Wordsmith, humorist and author of “Dare to be Average” on Amazon. Support Dave’s writing by joining Medium: https://daretobeaverage.medium.com/membership