Who’s Helping Whom?
How my volunteer work helps … me
With few exceptions, I have been volunteering continuously, for one organization or another, in one role or another, for the past 40 years. I’ve often wondered: Could it be that I’ve merely been out for myself all this time?
My volunteerism began during my junior year of college when I served on a student-run board that planned and sponsored fundraising events to benefit local disadvantaged persons. This was a coveted position and those who were in the know were aware that it looked good on a resumé. Like most students, I was concerned about getting a good job after graduation. So when I was asked to join the board, I was psyched.
Every year, the board would choose an area nonprofit to be the beneficiary of its year-long efforts. The year that I was involved, we chose an organization that was dedicated to helping children with autism and its associated developmental conditions. In addition to working on the various events, we periodically interacted with some of the children when they visited us on campus. I was paired with a nine-year-old boy named Nicholas. Nicholas had speech and language delays and was unable to express himself with words. During our first visit, I presented him with several non-verbal activities that I hoped would capture his attention. But Nicholas was not interested in the toys, puzzles, or coloring books I had brought and he spent the time running around the campus center ballroom. I was helpless to reach him…and surprised at how much that bothered me. During the next visit, I had the opportunity to talk to Nicholas’ mom and ask her for suggestions on how to engage with him. She told me that he loved Elvis Presley’s music; that, indeed, he knew every word to every song that Elvis had recorded. I was grateful to know this and somehow convinced someone to lend me a record player. Thankfully, there was an Elvis Presley album in the record library of the campus radio station that I was able to borrow. My third visit with Nicholas was a success. He sat and listened to the entire album, twice, singing and clapping and smiling throughout. My heart flew to the top of that cavernous ballroom. I was hooked.
In the years that followed, I tutored middle school students in reading, cooked and served meals in a soup kitchen, read to nursing home residents, registered people to vote, delivered toys to less fortunate children, drove people to religious services, and brought food to households with a sick family member. I volunteered in schools, a library, a community center, a museum, and a thrift shop. I mopped floors, cleaned animal cages, and helped repair bridges in a state park. In retrospect, I believe that I have been subconsciously seeking to replicate the feeling I had that day with Nicholas. I was not surprised to learn that science can explain why I continue to look for ways to give support to others outside my circle; to be part of something bigger than myself. Studies show that volunteering can release brain chemicals that result in a kind of helper’s high and that volunteers had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol on days they did volunteer work. Research has shown that caring for others can give us a sense of purpose, which can help us deal with depression, anxiety, and social isolation. Even small acts of kindness, like checking on a neighbor, can have a positive effect on your emotional health. The benefits of helping others can be especially important for older adults and retirees.
Helping animals is uniquely rewarding, which I discovered when I started volunteering at an animal shelter. The first task that I took on was walking dogs. I walked dogs of all ages, sizes, and temperaments. Each of them was exceedingly happy to get out of their cages and be outdoors for a while. The shelter had a yard so that a volunteer could play a game of fetch with a dog. Many of the dogs that I took to the yard did not want to play. Maybe they forgot how. Maybe they never learned. But there was one dog, Murphy, who always wanted to play. Murphy was an older dog and had been at the shelter longer than any of the others. There were signs that Murphy had been abused by his previous owner and the veterinary behaviorist at the shelter had been working with him to make him feel safe. It was a slow recovery process. But whenever Murphy got into that yard, he was no longer fearful, withdrawn, and depressed. He became self-confident, social, playful, and full of joy. He forgot about the abuse he had suffered and thought only about the ball and having fun. Yet I couldn’t help feeling that it was me who was benefitting the most from our interactions. Watching Murphy enjoy the freedom of the yard, the chase after the ball, and positive human companionship was exhilarating. It was a privilege to have earned his trust and shared those moments with him, and I did not take it for granted.
In March 2020, when Covid-19 shutdowns went into effect, like many people, I struggled. Not only was I unable to get together with friends and family or go to a restaurant or get a haircut, but I also felt a huge void in my life. Suddenly, the sense of community, the feeling of accomplishment, the social interactions, and meaningful connections that I had always gotten from volunteering, were gone. I felt depressed, unfulfilled, and uneasy. Because I have asthma, I didn’t feel safe volunteering in a medical setting, which was the only opportunity that I knew of at the time. As a result of the shutdowns, many organizations and institutions had to get creative and devise new methods to keep volunteers involved. After much searching, I eventually found a new program that matches volunteers with older adults who are socially isolated not only because of the pandemic but because of other changes in their lives including declining health or reduced finances. The volunteer makes a commitment to connect with an older adult once a week via phone or video calls. The idea is that by being a consistent, caring presence in his or her life, the volunteer will contribute to the well-being of the older adult.
After an intense application and interview process, I was accepted into the program. Following orientation and training, I was matched with Mary. Mary has several health conditions that make it difficult for her to walk, or eat, and she is legally blind. She has a limited support system, is mostly homebound, and relies on aides. Every week when I call her, I begin the conversation by following up on issues of concern:
“Hi Mary, how are you? Did you get the results of your CT scan?” I inquire.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, they didn’t find anything. Did you listen to that radio show I told you about? Did you hear that caller from Philly? Can you believe the story she told?”
“Yes, I did listen,” I reply. “It was great. Were you able to eat the meals that were delivered to you this week? Are you still drinking Ensure?”
“Yeah, yeah. Did you hear the Frankie Avalon interview? Wasn’t that amazing?”
“Yes, I heard the interview. I really enjoyed it. Did your landlord ever fix the leak in your ceiling?”
Mary obliges me by answering my questions and concerns, but she is clearly eager to move past this part of the conversation and on to more fun topics. Because she is visually impaired, Mary spends a lot of time listening to the radio. Since our first phone call, she has spoken passionately about her favorite programs: The deejays, the music, the callers, and the interviews. Every week she would ask me if I had listened. Every week I had to tell her that I had not. I hated disappointing her, but the truth was that I had stopped listening to music years earlier. I had gotten into the habit of listening only to all-news radio. I had become addicted to all-news radio. But I wanted to make Mary happy, so one day I tuned in to one of her favorite shows. To my surprise, I really enjoyed it and now I listen every week. I often find myself singing along to the old familiar songs and even occasionally jumping up to dance around my apartment. I had almost forgotten the joy of listening to music and I have Mary to thank for bringing it back into my life. I am lucky to have her as a friend and benefit from her wisdom.
The lessons I have learned through volunteering are simple, yet profound: Embrace the present, focus on the positive, find what makes you happy, and make the most out of what you have.
I am grateful for these lessons and my teachers, Nicholas, Murphy, Mary, and many others. I could never repay them.
