Wrapping

Photo by the author.

Hello?

Hello?

Some help with an exchange, please?

Wonderful.

Can you believe it? Seventy-years-old and today is my first time in Birth, Being and Beyond. But let me tell you, one glance in the mirror at my newest cyber delivery and I had to rush right over. Certainly there’s been a mistake. And I want you to know I’m not a big complainer. Why at Forever 39, my previous outlet, I never had any trouble. I wanted to stay, but they made it clear that —

The problem? Yes. Yes. Of course.

I’m sure you’ve handled much more complex exchanges. I mean, just “Being” is hard. And I bet the “Beyond” part can get pretty touchy.

Sorry. I’ll get to the point. I think I got the wrong wrapping.

No. Not wrapping as in paper, but as in skin. I think I received the wrong skin.

That’s right, and could you lower your voice please? This is rather personal.

Now where was I? Oh yes. One day, I woke up and there it was — or there I was — in it. The very skin I’m wearing now!

Of course I committed to automatic updates at birth! But who understood what it meant? And up until now I’ve been quite happy. My last skin was fine. Sure, it came with a few wrinkles and spots, but I could live with that. But now something’s really amiss. See how loose and baggy this is. It doesn’t feel like me. I hate to say it, but honestly, it makes me look — well, old.

What do you mean, “What did I expect?” Really! There’s no need to be rude.

Okay, okay. You’re a busy woman. But I see lots of people with perfectly good skins. That’s all I want. One that fits, that isn’t so droopy. Look! My neck. My arms. Everywhere! There’s way too much. And don’t get me started on the mid-section.

Alterations are another counter?

Hmm. I hadn’t thought of that. Nips and tucks. Probably expensive and don’t always work you say.

But what am I do to?

Live with it? You can’t even… Excuse me. Would you hold on for a moment? The gentleman behind me keeps trying to push ahead.

Sir, please quit shoving.

Really? Well, you don’t exactly look like a spring chicken yourself, Grandpa!

Some people!

And now see what happened. The lady has disappeared.

Hello?

Hello?

Can you imagine! Leaving me stuck looking like this!

Oh, Miss?

Miss?

Please. Isn’t anyone going to help?