AGING
You Might Be A Geezer
A handy checklist
It’s not enough to merely be an old man. Possession of gray hair and declining senses won’t do it. One must have a certain panache. An attitude and the motivation to back it up.
A geezer knows the world conspires against him.
Blessed with intelligence, insight, and irritability, the geezer endures a decaying world with knowledge of what has been, and more importantly, what could have been. None are so irritable as frustrated idealists. And geezers are well aware they are powerless to make the changes society sorely needs.
This understanding drives a number of “interesting” behaviors. To the uninitiated, these include being odd, eccentric, or unreasonable. But to the geezer, there is no other way.
A geezer does not go gently into that good night.
He knows that whether it cares for him or not, the world would do well to learn from his experience and become a better place. He feels the need to make his presence known to those who would otherwise overlook him. And just maybe, the whippersnappers will see the error of their ways.
Here are a few indications that you have become a geezer.
🔲 If you call a business and actually expect to speak to a human, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If you still remember the phone numbers of old friends, but can’t find the phone, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If the paucity of public facilities has prompted you to consider any number of semi-private places that need wetting, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If the corporation that built your TV is somehow reducing its volume every year, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If you know no key should need a battery, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If people sitting around a table not speaking and looking at their phones is the dumbest thing you ever saw, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If you feel that without any attempt at fixing, throwing something out when it stops working is just wrong (yourself included), you might be a geezer.
🔲 If you howl because you’ve seen the best minds of multiple generations destroyed by avoidable madness, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If you once purchased a pair of tickets for a big-time concert, and it didn’t cost you as much as a new refrigerator, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If you occasionally need to remember to forget, but forget to remember, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If you know that the bottom line for all corporations is the bottom line and that anything else they proclaim is bullshit, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If once upon a time you could tune up your car, but now you need a computer, and you know damn well that the auto companies could make the error codes read out on your dash, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If you don’t trust anyone under 30, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If you once ordered a dollar of gas from the attendant who also checked your oil and afterward you actually made it to your destination, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If your hair has migrated to new locations, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If you went to college and had minimal or no debt, or generated enough funds to cover the costs by working simultaneously, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If you received a draft number to a war that taught your country nothing, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If you bought the short-warranty roofing material because it will outlast you, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If your doctor has you on the IITGSIO diet (If It Tastes Good Spit It Out), you might be a geezer.
🔲 If you automatically answer the phone before the caller ID tells you who is calling, and call it “picking up” the phone, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If you remember a time when politics was mostly a civil conversation about different policies, and the opposition was not the spawn of the Devil, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If “woke” means you are not sleeping, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If “TikTok” is the sound of your time slipping away, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If a young person or evil spirit moved them, so you had to look multiple places for your reading glasses so you could read this, you might be a geezer.
🔲 If you really have no idea why those damn kids won’t stay off your lawn, you might be a geezer.
Certainly, there are more indications. Please indicate them in the comments.
