70+ is not the new anything

You’re Olde … How to Tell

Even feeble-minded oldsters will understand these 10 simple clues

Am I doing my selfie right? Photo by Tiago Muraro on Unsplash

With the boyish idiocy and slothful thought processes I display on the pages of Medium, you wouldn’t be faulted for mistaking me for a Millennial. But, in fact, I’m much older than that. Olde enough to be aged and therefore an expert on aging and on all things decrepit, especially humans.

Just how olde you may ask.

Well, Dee Snider of Twisted Sister fame and I are the same age. Not familiar with the dude? OK, I was born the year Disneyland opened. Still adrift? WWII ended just 10 years before my birth.

Not enough of a hint?

I’ll be 70 in 2025.

If you don’t get it now you may need to phone a friend.

So, as a bona fide Boomer, and a person who has experienced all the “olde” clues listed below, I feel fully qualified to opine about the olde.

👴 You gaze longingly at the “after” photo in those “before” and “after” fitness ads

And you vow to rejoin the gym and get one of those “hardbodies at 70-plus” you saw advertised on YouTube or some other bullshit-ridden social…