a talk with my little self
hey little me,
it’s almost 5am & you should be sleeping, but it seems like neither of us is able to do so at the moment. not sure why i can’t think of you without crying right now, but i’m gonna try to turn those tears of sadness into ones of happiness, ok?
firstly i want to tell you how gorgeous you are. you’ve set the standard for kids in my mind for a loooong time; i even carry your baby pic in my wallet, right alongside Gma. and it’s not just because you’re cute. you are loving, and kind, and intelligent. you’re beautiful just by virtue of being YOU.
you no longer have to hide under the bed, reading to escape — you write your own stories now. it’s still a lil shaky because i’m just starting out, but i think you’d be happy with what i come up with. you’d be surprised to know that you’re actually a creative! crazy, i know. while academia was the “easy” & seemingly only path for you, it wasn’t really who you are. i mean, looking back, your artistry was always there — ’cause you definitely used your hair & wardrobe to express yourself over the years — but you never had anyone explain that that was an option. for that, i’m sorry. but we’re doing it now! look at us!
and you don’t have to worry about beatings anymore. that’s been over & done with for a while. unfortunately people have hurt you in other abusive ways over the years, too. but guess what?? you’re able to speak up for yourself now & you do it with relative ease! you have the power to leave when you want, cut off who you want, and go wherever you want…within reason. we still haven’t made it financially yet, lol.
you are so, so precious, and so, so good. you deserve goodness. and you ARE loved. you are special. don’t let ANYONE convince you otherwise, ESPECIALLY yourself. you are more than the things that have happened to you. you keep your head up, okay?
it’s a long, rocky road ahead but you do get to have some fun, don’t worry. and i’ll be here with you the whole time, even if you can’t see me.
i want you to remember to floss & brush your teeth regularly and to hug Gma really, really tight every time you get the chance. don’t get an attitude when she asks you to scratch her head, or roll her hair, or soak her feet. one day she won’t ask you to do them anymore & you’re gonna miss it more than you can imagine. and i know some of them are yucky, but eat more vegetables…i’ll be thankful you did.
so. now that i’ve cried all my night moisturizer off my face — no worries, they’re good tears! — i’m gonna end here. i’m not sure who needed this little talk more, you or me, but i’m glad we had it either way. it’s 5:15am & i don’t want future me (you, us) fussing about under eye bags.
i love you, lil mama.
— me
a.k.a big you
