Deep Down I Feel Like A Loser
I don’t know what my next step is and I’m not ok with that. I know it’ll get better later, but I want things to be better now.
Honestly, I’m still figuring out this life shit. I have no idea what steps I should take next. I have no idea what career I’d like to pursue other than to write. I often hear writers make no money. That’s pretty unfortunate. I don’t plan to go through life as a broke B** that likes to write. I hope to make money, but the how is the real question. I can get a job, I can flip a stock, but how the hell can my passion bring me some coins?
I have no clue, but I do know I feel behind as fuck. I’m one semester away from graduating. I was supposed to graduate last semester. I didn’t because online classes suck and I had no idea what I was doing other than choosing not to do my work.
Now I’m left feeling behind as fuck.
I’ve been working hard for four whole years with what feels like nothing to show for it.
I have no car, no apartment, and no large sum of money. I’m living at home in a home where I feel I’ve overstayed my welcome. I am the epitome of uncomfortable if there is such a thing. I feel so incredibly stuck.
I’ve made the dean's list, I’ve secured internships, and I’ve even written a book. I’ve learned how to do my own nails acrylic, gel x, gel, and poly gel. I’m actually pretty good at all. I’ve learned how to read stock charts, and how to invest. I’ve researched crypto and began to invest. I haven’t just been sitting on my ass watching the time pass.
Despite all of this, it does not change the fact that I feel like a loser.
I have friends knee-deep in their careers and striving or unhappy as fuck. I have friends on their knees begging god to release them from the shackles of their homes. I have friends hustling to get out of a bad situation. I have friends that are blissfully clueless about their next step. Then there’s me. Drowning in sorrow, desperately wanting a change to bless me by tomorrow.
I don’t know what to do. The solutions are to get a job, and make more money.
The bigger problem is I don’t want any job. I don’t want any more minimum wage jobs. I currently have three jobs but I still feel broke as fuck. I want a job in my field. I want to get paid for writing, because that is what I love. I love editing too. Getting paid for that would be pretty nice. I just don’t know how to get what it is I am looking for without knowing exactly what I am looking for.
I don’t quite have my life figured out right now. Especially not in the way older adults make you feel like you’re supposed to. I know it’s okay to not have all the answers and not to know what your next step will be.
It’s just not okay with ME.
I’m pretty sure thousands of other 20-something-year-olds can relate, that’s nice. It doesn’t really do anything for me other than stoke my ego.
