Fear and hope during a career roadblock
An optimistic look at an uncertain future
I’ve recently taken steps to go back to post-secondary education.
It’s been almost a full year since I graduated from the Southern Alberta Institute of Technology with a diploma of journalism under my belt and in that time my career, if you can really call it that, has been a roller coaster that saw me unemployed, twice. Four months of the last year saw me without employment.
Frustrating? Absolutely. Harrowing? I’m still recovering from the sleepless nights.
There is a positive spin to this story. All of the time I spent without regular work gave me a lot of time to think. It gave me a lot of time to investigate those thoughts.
My journalism training paid off well in that regard. I’m very good at finding things out.
After talking about my experiences and my feelings to some of my closest friends and family, I heard all kinds of suggestions for what should be The Next Thing.
After hearing them out, and doing my own reading and investigating, I made a decision.
Yesterday, I applied to the University of Calgary.
As a younger man, I was certain that university wouldn’t be an option for me. I wasn’t a poor student by any means, but intense self-doubt has been my travelling companion for as long as I can remember.
Am I scared of this choice?
I suppose, in a small measure, yeah.
More than anything, I feel like I have a sense of direction again. This last year, I felt hopeless and directionless, cast away in the wind.
It’s going to be a challenge, anything worthwhile is, but it’s one that I feel strangely calm about. I’m squaring off with this and I’m ready to take it on.
I’d be lying if I said I’m feeling all peaches and rainbows. In truth, I feel like a failure. Going to SAIT felt like stepping up for a race, and once I graduated, I fell flat on my face. I have colleagues who are working in the industry, and I’m very happy for them. They were able to pursue opportunities that, due to my circumstances, I’m unwilling and unable to.
Still, I had been so certain I would be gainfully employed by now. Instead, I’m looking at another 5 years of academia, maybe more.
I’m trying to stay positive. This is a direction, and any movement is better than no movement. Pursuing my education is better than resigning myself to the dead-end retail jobs I’ve had.
My heart feels heavy with a feeling of failure, but my head feels optimistic and excited for what the future holds.
