How to Write When You Are Disconnected From Yourself
And feel numb on the inside
Sometimes I imagine my brain to be a large control room, with buttons, joysticks, and giant LED screens. When the room is lit up with rapidly blinking red lights and a roaring alarm indicating a shutdown, I need to take action.
Clad in a white coat and a serious look on my face, I pretend to know what I am doing. I flip through the pages of my mind’s manual to look for a solution.
Maybe a prescribed protocol or a formula that was successfully administered for a similar problem in the past. Alas, there’s nothing here.
Flustered and stressed, I dump the book on the floor and begin to push random buttons. I try the green one that says breathe, another one that displays the Netflix logo, and finally, reach for the gray bar that says rest.
Taking a break is bittersweet for me. It works every time but also chips away at my self-confidence, persistently. Every day rested seems like a day wasted.
Superglued to my bed, I can’t help but wonder, how long can I keep this up? Do I have to fall every time things get a bit too much to handle?
A strange situation that has been visiting me more frequently than Friends on Comedy Central is a feeling of disconnectedness from…
