Insecure — What a Powerful Word
I think there’s a power in the word insecure. When I think of someone who is insecure, I think of someone who cares about something so much that it pains them if that thing isn’t exactly right. That’s beautiful. To be vulnerable enough to say that THIS MATTERS and YES I care about what you think takes a form of courage.
I always joke with people that I have no insecurities. I tell them that I’m confident in anything that matters. Putting to the side that confidence is not the opposite of insecurity, my line about not ever feeling insecure is pretty much bullshit.
Hesitant, Self-Conscious, Shy
Uncertain, anxious, doubtful — these are some of the words used to define insecure. That’s pretty much how I feel every time I write. Am I still confident? Yes. But do I also experience all of those other emotions that would cause me to be somewhat unsure of the work I’m doing, the work that matters, the work that will be made public; hell yes.
It’s no accident that musicians take stage names. Lady Gaga, Jay-Z, Lana Del Rey; a simple measure to put some distance between these individuals and the character they’ve created. And even the ones who decide they don’t need that textual buffer, many musicians admit to putting themselves in a different state of mind in order to perform or create their music.
That’s when insecurity can be powerful; when it’s used to fuel other parts of your character. I absolutely hate speaking about my personal life in conversation, but if you read through my blogs, you’ll know nearly every significant event — monumental and incremental — that has made me who I am today. It would take me months and sometimes years to get just one of those pieces out in face to face interaction.
But in the same vein, it’s easy to see the power of insecurity in the opposite direction. This is the insecurity an individual would spew at his partner. This is the insecurity that would make a 15-year-old feel inadequate because her hair isn’t as long as that girl on IG. That’s the same insecurity that drives someone to harm themselves because they feel less than enough.
Semi-spoiler alert: in my novel Beauty Scars, the insecurity doesn’t show itself in the way you would immediately think. Yes, the idea of beauty is an important thread that carries the novel, but how that thread is weaved is surprising.
In real life, we say beauty and immediately think of the physical. The love and pursuit of physical beauty is the foundation of much of the negative insecurity that drives our culture. And let’s not blame that on social media. The worshipping of what we have collectively decided to be labelled as beautiful started long before SnapChat filters. (See feature photo.)
Here’s another thought: Is the desire to be physically beautiful such a bad thing? Sit with that question for a second before immediately reacting. I know what I’ve written above, but can we draw a straight line from admiring beauty to insecurity?
Certainly, the object of your insecurity that can be problematic. But why does that insecurity inspire some while it destroys others? How can some people stare insecurity in the face and with an anxious, uncertain, and doubtful heart still perform small wonders? Maybe it isn’t the internal pursuit of beauty, but the external pressure to be beautiful.
As I hope you can see, I’m merely posing questions here. From one insecure person to another, from one inspired person to those who feel their insecurity difficult to overcome; feeling secure in who you are helps quiet the noise of everyone and everything telling you how you should be.
But those are my thoughts, my reality. Maybe I know what I’m talking about, maybe none of this makes sense. We all interpret the world through a different set of eyes and that interpretation guides our behaviour.
Only you can decide what’s important, what matters, who’s opinion matters, and what makes you feel the way you do. Give something power and watch yourself submit. Take that power into your own hands and watch yourself rise.
C.R.Y
Read my novel BEAUTY SCARS here.
