“No Regrets” is not the enlightened mantra I thought it was

In fact, it reeks of toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing

From the movie “We’re the Millers” with Jason Sudeikis: “Really? Not even one?”

My mother once said the only thing she regretted was smoking, because it made her develop COPD (which eventually led to an early and painful death).

In the same breath, she said that she had no regrets about her alcoholism.

To my fucking face she said this.

I know what she meant. She was glad for the lessons she learned, for the person she eventually became. But saying no regrets to your child about something that continues to be the fodder for their therapy, is not cool. I did not want to be a learning experience for my mother. I did not want to be a parentified child. I certainly have regrets about her alcoholism even if she didn’t.

Words matter to me and the no regrets movement is not one worth joining. Often, the people spewing this pseudo-spiritually-enlightened drivel just sound like fuckfaces who value their own self-development over their relationships and other people’s wellbeing at all costs.

I have many regrets. My life is positively littered with regrets. Some very small and some overwhelmingly big.

One small one: Standing in the warm sand, salty waves crashing, the humid summer…