Radical Acceptance
Inspired by Carmellita I have written this article about dealing with painful feelings. Recently she wrote a great article called: Create Your Bliss Through Stillness — An Act of Radical Self-Care. She called on other writers to collaborate on this topic and I felt a call to do just that.
The title I used comes from Radical Acceptance, a great book by Tara Brach on an essential topic.
It is about the deep-seated feelings of unworthiness we encounter and fight all the time. A profound belief that something is wrong with us.
This is not an easy subject. There is a lot of shame and fear around these feelings.
I am no stranger to these feelings. As an introvert and a multipotentialite I struggled in this world to find my place. I encountered a lot of problems just getting a diploma and finding my true voice. All the while I experienced these deep-seated feelings of unworthiness. And all the time I was fighting with these feelings. Sometimes surviving by being arrogant and trying to be a flawless and untouchable person. Other times by flat out denying that I was insecure at all.
But eventually, I had to face my demons. These deep-seated feelings of unworthiness that I tried to get away from.
I think it is essential to become aware of these feelings and let them be. That is the road less traveled.
That alone is an immense task to undertake. To let these feelings be without pushing them away or holding on to them. To not act upon them.
The suffering arises when we start fighting these very difficult feelings.
One really important thing I learned was the simple fact that the trauma that caused these feelings has already taken place in the past. We cannot undo what has already happened.
When we radically accept that, something starts to let go.
A few years ago a transformation in my life set in. I was choosing to become and live my life as an artist. You can read what I have learned so far in part 1 and part 2 of a series.
I sort of consciously choose to evoke these feelings of unworthiness by actively proclaiming to the world that I was going to be an artist. What was I thinking?
I must admit that I never thought that these feelings would boil up that quick. Especially after all the work I did. But they did. These feelings won’t go away but our fight and suffering will.
Self Compassion
Learning to develop self-compassion. What does that mean?
The following I have cited from the website of Kristin Neff. She wrote a beautiful and important book called Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. You can find it here.
You may try to change in ways that allow you to be more healthy and happy, but this is done because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or unacceptable as you are. Perhaps most importantly, having compassion for yourself means that you honor and accept your humanness.- Kristin Neff
I think embracing your humanness is a great gift to yourself—maybe the biggest gift you can ever give yourself.
Embracing your humanness for me means embracing my imperfections. To recognize and admit that hard and painful things have happened in my life.
So how can we learn to practice self-compassion?
I think one way is to meditate. For me meditation is not so much about relaxation, although that is a nice bonus, but much more about becoming aware of what is going on in my mind and body.
Here we can learn to notice and become aware of feelings, thoughts, and sensations that are always coming and going.
The big challenge here is to just notice. Not trying to do or alter anything. Not calming the mind or making thoughts go away. It takes a lot of courage to sit down and try that.
Something beautiful happens when this becomes your attitude. These hard feelings of unworthiness can just exist in this attitude of not trying to change things. Your body and mind start to relax and you let down your guard.
I think this is a lifelong process. By radically accepting your painful feelings, you give yourself a great gift.
The gift of letting things be as they are without altering them in any way.
Thank you for taking the time for reading my article! I am really curious how this touches you. Can you relate to these feelings? How do you cope?
Last but not least, I really hope this has inspired you. Feel free to let me know in a comment. And if you want to read more, feel free to follow.
